My catalog of feelings

Fuck, man, I'm depressed again.

What happened? Are you okay, farmboy?

No, man, um, it's stupid. Not only is it stupid but it's a fuckin' rerun, you know? That thing that happened with the coffeehouse -- you know, where I was asked to play but then I saw a poster with my name not on it? Well, just about the exact same thing happened again.

So now I'm going through my catalog of feelings. You know, disbelief, then anger, then hurt, with spots of guilt between each one plus the reoccurring thought that I am just a fuckin' piece of shit. So I'm gonna try not to take it seriously and just get through it...

farmboy, are you starting to cry?

I'm just getting closer to the hurt feelings and hopefully that'll pass quickly and then I can figure out what to do.

So that's all. No big deal. Maybe I can fall asleep.

Damn, though, I'm so tired of fuckin' analyzing every fuckin' thing. I'm so tired of overthinking. Man, I hate this shit. So let's see if I can become an observer and just move through it.

Do you really think that's possible?

Oh, I'm sure it's not. But just the thought of it is preferable to my fucked-up obsessive thinking where I'm just gonna come out the loser anyway. Believe me, I know,