It's a little spicy

I'm cold and depressed.

Why, farmboy?

Because it's winter and the temperature is near freezing.

And the depression?

My beautiful four-day Thanksgiving weekend is almost finished and I have to go back to my fuckin' job tomorrow.

But, you know, other than that it looks like it's all okay, unless I do something totally stupid and think about work. Which doesn't happen until tomorrow so I might as well enjoy what's left of the weekend, you know?

I know. It doesn't do any good to anticipate something you don't want to happen. And it's going to happen anyway.

Yeah. So tonight I'm just gonna stay at home and smoke some weed and eat this healthy soup I made.

What's in it?

Ground turkey, pinto beans, black beans, peppers, corn, tomatoes, California chili, curry, cumin, carrots. It's a little spicy.

Sounds good, farmboy. Cornbread?

No, unfortunately. But I've got tortilla chips.The good ones, the ones that are made locally.

Good food for a cold night.

Yep. And winter's not even here yet. Hell, fuckin' December's not even here yet.

delivery man

baby's waiting on a phone call
a knock upon the door
from the man that she needs
the one who doesn't keep score
baby shines like silver
you oughta see her walk
she don't draw no lines
when she talks that talk
baby understands
I'm the delivery man

when baby gets lonely
when baby gets the blues
she wears those fishnet stockings
blood-red high heel shoes
she's got a husband
but he's lost at sea
at least that's what
she tells me
it's news I heard first hand
I'm the delivery man

ain't this the life

the morning sun refuses to shine
and the clouds are taking over
you put your collar way up high
throw a poncho over your shoulders
you used to be so young
but every day you're feeling older 
you swear you're going to move to Hawaii
catch a plane and say a quick goodbye
free as the breeze off the ocean
cheap sandals and suntan lotion
ain't this the life

reinventing the wheel

here I am again
reinventing the wheel
do you know how it feels
to start over all the time
here I go once more
taking the long way home
exploring the great unknown
to find a place that's mine

stranger to me now (rewrite two)

I don't want to wrestle
with the past anymore
I'm going away
there's nothing to say 
I don't believe
I can last anymore
you're a stranger to me now

every dream
where my heart was at stake
is now in the past
dreams never last
I once dreamed of you
but now I'm awake
you're a stranger to me now

          everything
          falls to decay
          like a rock in the tide
          it crumbles away
          gold turns to silver
          silver turns into gray
          you are slowly
          disappearing

I don't like the man
that I once used to be 
I had no clue
when I was looking for you
there's a whole new somebody
waiting for me
you're a stranger to me now

you needed someone
to respond to your touch
one look from your eyes
could cut me to size
you were somebody
that I needed too much
but you're a stranger to me now

I don't need to wrestle
with a dead memory
I can tell you goodbye
with completely dry eyes
I don't even care
if you remember me
you're a stranger to me now
you're a stranger to me now

Answers why

Man, I'm so upset over this Michael Brown thing. You know, the young African-American man who was shot by this police officer? Well, the grand jury just let that guy -- the police officer -- off, scot-free. I'm so fuckin' disgusted. 

I agree. That's pretty terrible, farmboy. 

I mean, I just don't get it.

You and millions of other people, farmboy.

You know, you spend your whole life looking for answers why and you always come up empty.

It feels like that sometimes.

I don't know what to say, man.

I don't either.

I don't fuckin' know, man…

stranger to me now (new verse)

I don't like the man
that I once used to be 
I had no clue
when I was with you
there's a whole new person
inside of me
you're a stranger to me now

uh huh (here in the real world)

I been lying awake
in the middle of the night
convinced ain't nothing
gonna work out right, uh huh
I'm a victim of
circumstance
living by 
the seat of my pants, uh huh
no matter what 
I try to do
you're as far from me
as Timbuktu, uh huh
baby, look at me
be my friend
touch me every
now and then, uh huh
baby, I'll pay the price
for you there is no sacrifice
I don't want to live in fantasy
I want you to be my reality, girl
here in the real world

can't complain

standing on the platform
in the freezing rain
waiting for a ride
on a northbound rain
but I can't complain
I can't complain
I got nothing to explain 
I can't complain

gonna take a meeting
with the elevator man
he puts a dime bag
in my hand
I can't complain
I can't complain
I love my mary jane
I can't complain

I got a pretty honey
she's my sugar pie
I tell you, friend
my oh my
can't complain
I can't complain
I just put on some coltrane
I can't complain

my poor mind

my poor mind
how I abuse it
how I misuse it
I always confuse it
as sorry a friend
as you could hope to find
my poor mind

a stranger to me now (rewrite 1)

I don't want to wrestle
with the past anymore
I'm going away
there's nothing to say 
I don't believe
I can last anymore
you're a stranger to me now

every dream
where my heart was at stake
is now in the past
dreams never last
I once dreamed of you
but now I'm awake
you're a stranger to me now

          everything
          falls to decay
          yesterday
          crumbles away
          gold turns to silver
          fall into gray
          you are slowly
          disappearing

I don't want to wrestle
with a dead memory
I can tell you goodbye
with completely dry eyes
I don't even care
if you remember me
you're a stranger to me now
you're a stranger to me now

I would explode, I'm sure

How's everything going, farmboy? Has the world been treating you well?

In some ways yes, some ways no. I haven't been telling you much about the saga of my truck because I'm so fuckin' tired of thinking about it and talking about it. It can become your whole identity to some people, which I know sounds weird…

Not really. I had an illness for a while and it seemed like that was the only subject anybody would talk to me about. And it was the one subject I didn't want to talk about.

Yeah, that's it! I once had an accident -- I was walking and got hit by a car -- and the whole time I was laid up that was the only fuckin' thing that mattered to a lot of people. And, I mean, I can see why but, man, I fuckin' hated it. 

So let's talk about something else.

All right. So what's going right?

Ummmm…for once I'm okay financially. Not great, but I ain't hurting as much as I usually do. Music is going well. And I'm still reliving that great standing ovation I got last Friday. And also the reason I'm doing okay financially is because of music.

That should make you feel good, eh, farmboy?

Oh, yeah, it does. Really, I am so thankful that I'm a musician and a songwriter. Getting paid is just gravy, you know? The actual making and creating of music is always the main thing. 

You're a very fortunate fella in that respect.

You're telling me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have music. I'd probably be a fuckin' serial killer or something. I would explode, I'm sure, because of the mass of all those feelings that get held in. 

Music is pretty wonderful in that respect, farmboy.

Hey, I think music is pretty wonderful in all respects, man. And I get to be part of it! Pretty fuckin' cool, huh?

all because of you

pounding my fists against the wall
it's all because of you
I am broken and wasted and feeling small
and it's all because of you
I am shaken and forsaken
each waking minute
'cause I live in a neighborhood
with you in it
you know it's true
what can I do?
it's all because of you

sorry everybody

I'm sorry
I'm sorry everybody
I didn't mean to take up space
I don't want
I don't want to upset you
I know I can be replaced
but I have
a need to say something
I'm giving up the chase
I'm leaving
I'm pulling out
of the sorry human race

I'm sorry
I'm sorry everybody
I don't know what else to do
you know I try
but I trip on the laces
of my own fuckin' shoes
everybody
loves a winner
it sucks to always lose
so I'm leaving
I'm pulling out
I bid you all adieu

pathetic

I opened my dictionary
to look up the word pathetic
and found a picture
of my own smiling face
I fainted
I cried
"call the paramedics!"
I handled it all
with amazing disgrace

Standing ovation

Hey, man. I did the taping for that radio show I told you about.

The one that's syndicated nationally? How did it go?

Pretty good. I made some bum notes on guitar and that pissed me off. It also pisses me off that I have such a hard time tuning on stage. But I'm thinking that it may be the way I'm turning my left wrist when I'm making the chords. I'm fuckin' learning, you know. I've spent my whole life learning. 

How did the interview go, farmboy?

Better than I expected. I loved talking about the other musicians, the ones that influenced me. I had to pick four recordings, which are going to be edited into the show.

Really? That's interesting. What did you pick?

Ummmm…John Prine, Mississippi John Hurt, Emmylou Harris singing a Gram Parsons song, and Cowboy Junkies.

What Cowboy Junkies song?

"Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning."

Nice choice.

I thought so.

When do I get to hear the show, farmboy?

February of next year.

I look forward to hearing it.

Oh yeah…one more thing.

Yes, farmboy?

I got a standing ovation.

Seriously?

Yeah.

How did that make you feel?

Well, it was great, of course. But also hard to accept.

That doesn't surprise me.

Yeah. It doesn't surprise me either. But I'm working on it, man.

I have been running

I have been running 
in any way that I can
to catch up with you

I say I'll get there
and I really hope I do
but I just don't know

I have stock in faith
I have belief in the future
or so I'm saying

maybe all I know
is that this ol' life of mine
is sure confusing

for my guitar on a snow day

finally get a snow day
and what do I do?
spend it playing
with the likes of you
wood and metal 
on my knee
and the rest of the day
is history

This world don't stop

I got pressures, man, I have problems. I don't want to get overwhelmed. There's work, there's my truck -- the fuckin' never-ending sage, but I don't wanna go there -- there's performances I gotta prepare for…plus, it's fuckin' cold.

It's in the 30s right now. You're not a fan of cold weather, farmboy?

Cold weather is fine as long as I can stay indoors and drink coffee, play guitar and smoke weed. I always feel sorry for other people in bad weather, though. I have heat, I have food, I have a roof over my head, you know?

How about you, man? Do you like the cold?

No. I like it to be mild all the time.

That's the way I'm getting emotionally. I feel like, hey, let me catch up. I want calmness for an extended period of time. But this world don't stop. It keeps turning.

Well…that's a good thing, isn't it?

I guess.

Still pisses me off, though.

worries, trouble, etc.

I got worries
I got troubles
life is messing
with my mind
better hurry
on the double
life is out to
rob you blind
'round the corner
life will find you
asking for some
spare change
ain't it strange
how life keeps moving
but never seems 
to be improving

I got worries
I got troubles
life moves left 
instead of right
my eyes are blurry
chin has stubble
I haven't slept a wink
all night
in the moonlight
life will find you
saying "stay up and
scratch that itch"
what a bitch
life keeps surprising
hey, look over 
the far horizon
a new day has come
I got troubles
I got worries
I got a feeling 
they've just begun

hippie houses (possible chorus)

man, I miss those
hippie houses
they bring a teardrop
to my eyes
where joy is bought
in quarter ounces
and life is just
a contact high

hippie houses

I miss those hippie houses
I used to see when I was young
girls in their peasant blouses
ripple teasing teenage tongues
I couldn't wait to burn some buildings
and a bowl of homegrown weed
I was young and able and willing
satisfaction guaranteed

mi amor, mi guitarra

tú eres mi compadre
mi socio en el crimen
tú eres mi hermano
mi amigo también
una amistad para siempre
corazón amarra
¿Cómo te llamas?
mi amor, mi guitarra

emotional hypochondriac

you better stay away from me
if you haven't had your shots

hard world, possible bridge

I ain't gonna go, no
I ain't gonna go
I ain't gonna go outside
and if you should ever go
where those other people go
I'll say I told you so
when you run back to hide

hard world

it's a hard world
it's dog eat dog out there
it's a hard world
and you'd better best beware
of everything you'll ever see
and all you've ever known
it's a hard world
maybe you should stay at home

look around you
turn on the morning news
what surrounds you?
you're looking dazed and confused
by everything you've ever known
and all that's still to see
it's a hard world
stay inside with me

A high voter turnout!

So didja hear? Oregon voted to legalize recreational marijuana! It's about fuckin' time, you know? 

That's great news, farmboy. And you're right -- it's about time.

I bet it passed because there was a high voter turnout! I see Oregon's just going to pot! I didn't see that on TV, though -- I had to weed about it in the news!

Very punny, farmboy.

I don't hear any laughter, man. Hey, what's that sound -- crickets? It's dead in this room. Tough crowd…

shake the etch-o-sketch

I need to clear my mind
wipe the slate
wash it clean
scrape the static
off the screen
make a new mistake
throw a monkey wrench
I need to shake the etch-o-sketch

alcoholism for dummies

so what you're telling me is
the only source of joy I have
is what I must give up
forever
in order to keep living
is that what you're saying?

don't ask for much
do you?

I ain't running no marathons here

Man, I tell you, I've been so fuckin' depressed about my truck and money and all sorts of stuff.  Pisses me off.

I bet.

I mean, I don't even want to talk about what's going on. But let's just say that it's all related to money and transportation and not anything like, say, physical or major emotional problems.

Well, that's good, farmboy. I get concerned about your physical and emotional health sometimes.

I just got test results back from my doctor and…not to brag…

Which, of course, means that you're going to brag…

Of course.

So what about the test results?

I'm doing fuckin' great! Well, great for me, that is. I ain't running no marathons here. Anyway, everything is within its correct range. Cholesterol, blood sugar, prostate, blood pressure, those triglyceride things -- those are all good. I've even lost weight. Fourteen pounds. 

That's great, farmboy! You should be proud of yourself.

You know, I kinda am. But mostly I just feel incredibly grateful, you know?

scribbling

all of this writing
all this expressing myself
all these sacrifices
for my creative health
every verbal scribble
every step with which I'm moving
all I can really hope
is that my scribbling is improving