I'm sorry, everyone

everybody I'm sorry
I'm sorry for all 
the stupid things I've done
I'm sorry for 
all the pain I caused you
I'm sorry for the asshole I've become
it was so much fun in the beginning
but the future refused to be predicted
I'm sorry for everything, 
but most of all
I'm sorry I became addicted

If I had to do it over, I wouldn't
I'd still be in the dorm
studying in my room
I'd read the books
I'd do the work that's given
I would not be a servant
to the needle and the spoon
I'd do my best to maybe finish college
I'd walk the straight and narrow
if there's a way
maybe I could learn to be somebody
instead of the mess I am today

          believe me, I ain't looking for excuses
          there are reasons for all that I've become
          a man's the end result of what he chooses
          and for that, I'm sorry everyone

so here you are,
gathered close around me
all of us together in one place
but for all the poison in my bloodstream
I might as well be out in outer space
I'm sorry for the worrying I caused you
I know everybody's had enough
I don't know how to ask 
for your forgiveness
for what it's worth
I'm sorry I fucked up

          believe me, 
          I never meant to hurt you
          I've been a lousy friend,
          brother and son
          it was not my intention to desert you
          but I did, and I'm sorry everyone

there's this part of me
that resents and hates you
for your honesty 
is something that I fear
but there's another part 
that wants you near me
and it's that part that's thankful
you are here
I've listened to everything you've told me
and I'm thinking maybe you are right
so I'm accepting the help 
that you have offered
I'll be leaving for some hospital tonight

          all that temptation that surrounds me
          maybe there's a chance 
          I won't succumb
          I don't know if I can shake off 
          what's around me
          and for that,
          I'm sorry, everyone
          I'm sorry, everyone