I hate my fuckin' life

You know, I hate that I'm always complaining to you about something. I just would like my life to be better. I am working at stuff. I try to eat correctly, I exercise, I practice music, I write, I meditate. But the frustration, man...It feels like I'm always putting in work with no payoff. It's like if you work really hard at your job then you don't get a paycheck or benefits or anything.

I hate my fuckin' life.

I know it's frustrating, farmboy, and I'm sorry. I know you've been working a long time with not enough reward.

So what can I fuckin' do about it?

I don't know. Maybe give yourself rewards after working? 

Well, it shouldn't be food. I'm not sure it should be weed, even. My tolerance is so fuckin' high, man, I know I need to give it a rest but there just ain't anything else to look forward to. It's just all work, and frustration, and loneliness, and worrying about stuff. My life is no fun, it's just something to get through. And I know it doesn't have to be like that. But what can I do? Nothing I do works. I have all these new songs and no audience. My body won't respond to exercise and healthy eating. Everything is fuckin' wrong, man.

But you're working at it. You've got to have faith, farmboy.

It's running out. I'm fuckin' desperate here. Nothing is working. I'm drowning in a quicksand of depression and anxiety.

I don't know what to tell you, farmboy. I wish I did. I know it's hard. You've been doing this for a long, long time. There will be progress, I promise.

You don't have to promise. I just don't know, man. I don't know how much longer I can do all this stuff without any payoff. I'm not that strong. I'm a fuckin' human being and I need change. I can't fuckin' stand this anymore.