I hate that I have such hate

So is it getting any better, farmboy?

I got a check for my brother and he added some extra money and I'm very, very grateful. I've told him that when I ask for financial help it means that I need money for food and gas. He can never know how grateful I am. I feel very blessed to have the family I have.

Work, on the other hand, is awful. I have learned to never trust Portland Public Schools. It's got great teachers and support staff, but the administrators...they're just fuckin' pathetic, man.  What I've learned is to suspect anything they may say or do. School districts, in my experience, are the same everywhere, but PPS is easily the worst. I've got to figure a way to get out.

It's also been hot.

Yeah, but there ain't much that I can do about it, you know?

What's also been bad today is that I'm beginning to feel weird from not taking some of my medications.

It's a money problem?

You know, Providence Health and Services -- my fuckin' insurance company -- has raised their rates and their copayments so high that I can't afford to buy my meds. They are so fuckin' evil, man. On their website they use Jesus and use words like "compassion," buy...,you know,I can't go on. It gets me all riled up. 

These fuckin' people, they just want to fuck everybody in the ass. I hope Obamacare comes in and shreds these motherfuckers, man. And I hate that I have such hate in my heart. But what do you do? Let them fuck you over? I have to figure out some way to take these feelings and turn them into something positive.

If anybody can do it, I know you can, farmboy.

Right now I just want to eat some ice cream and see if I can possibly fall asleep and make up a little of the sleep I missed last night. I want to not think about my fuckin' troubles. I want to be able to sleep. That's what I want, man. I want to sleep.