It's destroying me a little more every fuckin' day

How are you doing today, farmboy? I hope there's been a change in your life. I know that things have been rough lately.

A little better, thanks. But not much. But I'm thankful and grateful for whatever improvement there is. 

I've lost my cellphone. I've looked every fuckin' place imaginable. So now I get to be even more isolated. 

Fuck, man, I just don't fuckin' know. I get into these periods of...of...bad luck. Or something. I don't know. I've got fuckin' debts, I've got prescriptions that I can't refill, the groceries are running low and everybody wants money that I don't have. 

Work at the school is fuckin' awful. I have all these adversaries, all these...fuckin' enemies now. 

Like what?

You want names? I'll give you names.

Bank of America. What else can I fuckin' say?

Providence Health Insurance. That's a big one. Greedy fuckin' assholes. 

Portland Public Schools. Or the administration of. There are great teachers, great students, people who care. And they're at the mercy of an administration that is just fuckin'  incompetent. Those people shouldn't be working in education. I've worked for other school districts, but this Portland Public is the fuckin' worst. They don't care about the students or their employees. Damn, it's fuckin' amazing that the place even runs. 

Should I go on?

If you want.

I don't want. What I want is to get high and try to pretend that I have some sort of control over my life. 

I want to be a fuckin' professional musician and songwriter. I want to do the work I was born to do without these fuckin' leeches sucking the life blood out of me. 

I want to live in a country where I'm not sentenced to a life of fuckin' fear of getting sick or being unemployed while there are others who bleed the poor and the sick and the old and the disabled to feed their own fuckin' greed. 

You're angry, farmboy.

No shit, Sherlock. It's fuckin' eating me alive. My health is suffering, I'm living on fuckin' Top Ramen while the powers that be exploit the working people for their own financial gain, I'm so fuckin' unhappy and depressed and scared that I don't know which way is up or down.

I don't want to hate. But my anger is fuckin' killing me, man. It's destroying me a little more every fucking day.

I relate to Walter White from Breaking Bad more and more. 

You want to make crystal meth?

No. I'm gonna quote Bruce Springsteen here:

          ...I want the heart
             I want the soul
             I want control
             right now

I want control over my own fuckin' life, man. It's my life, man. No matter what these corporations and administration and banks and governments think. It's my life, and these fuckheads need to understand that.

And they fuckin' never will. 

And they need to be stopped.