Yesterday, and the day before

Man, I wish something good would happen today. I know I'm the one responsible for my own happiness, but, fuck, can't I just get a fuckin' break this one time? I mean, all I ever fuckin' do is work on being the person I want to be, and there's never any fuckin' payoff. I'm so fuckin' angry and frustrated all the time. I don't know what to fuckin' do.

Are you doing your actions, farmboy?

Yeah, I walk, I write, I play, I meditate, I try to eat the right things and not overdo it. But none of it matters.

What about the writing?

Well, okay, that matters. And it's a big deal. But it's just so fuckin' maddening, this constant putting in energy when so very little comes out of it. And I know I'm just complaining...

You have a right to complain. That's how you feel.

Okay, then, I'm complaining. I'm hungry and I'm lonely and I have this whole day in front of me with just the normal stuff. Like yesterday, and the day before. And the week before that. And the fuckin' year before that. It doesn't fuckin' change. I am so fuckin' angry. When is something going to happen?

It will, farmboy, it will. It's coming.

It better hurry up, man, 'cause I'm losing hope. I mean, I've already lost hope, a while back. It's been ages since I've been hopeful. I'm not suicidal or anything, but I am so fuckin' depressed. I'm at a total standstill.

Well, I don't know that it's total...

It sure seems that way.