It hurts just to fuckin' live

So it's another day of nothing happening and more frustration and depression. Man, these fuckin' days just seem to melt into one another, you know? I haven't had a good day since I don't remember, it's been so long. What am I going to do? Nothing moves, unless it's for the worse. 

I don't know what I can say, farmboy. I've talked to you about patience but I can understand your frustration. I don't know why nothing ever changes for the better.

I don't know either. I don't know if it's just bad luck or if I'm being punished by God or what. All I know is that everyday, I work and I've built up good habits and nothing I do matters, it's just bad news all the fuckin' time. Really, I don't know how much longer I can go through this.

I think I need to just give up. It's not working, whatever I do, so I need to look for another way. All of my actions are for nothing. You don't know how much this hurts, how fuckin' painful it is. It hurts just to fuckin' live. 

What am I going to do? I'm desperate here. Nothing makes any difference. I'm just a fuckin' broken record at this point. I'm going to go see my therapist in a little while, and it's always the same old shit: nothing ever happens. Nothing ever changes. 

Hang in there, farmboy. It can't be like this forever.

But it is like this and it feels like forever. Why doesn't anything change? Why don't I have friends? Why can't I lose weight? Why don't I have anybody to play my songs to? All it is is work and more work and more work with no payoff, no results. C'mon, what am I supposed to fuckin' do? What can I do? Why is this happening?