Why do I always have to be the failure?

Man, this frustration mode that I'm in...it's never gonna fuckin' end. I'm a fuckin' broken record. Every fuckin' day I do the things I'm supposed to do with no fuckin' result. What am I gonna do? I'm desperate here.

I don't know what to tell you, farmboy. It's a mystery to me. Is there anybody you can talk to? Your trainer? Your health coach?

They haven't been any good with this. They think I'm just whining. My trainer has completely given up on me, and I'm thinking my health coach did too. I did make an appointment to go to my doctor to see what's up. Maybe I'll get some kind of answer. Or maybe I'm just fucked.

It's not just the physical part, either. I keep playing...I've practiced more than I ever have, but there are no opportunities for performing, even a non-paying performance. I have no one to listen to my songs. I'm just creating in a vacuum now.

I don't like my life. This all seemed so promising at one point, then it all went to hell. Nothing fucki' happens...or at least nothing positive. It's all bad news and bad luck. And I have that. It doesn't have to be that way, but there's no stopping it. It's just bad news and bad luck all the fuckin' time now. What the fuck am I going to do?

Here's what I say: Keep going to your therapist. Take your meds. Eat at well as you can...

This is all stuff I'm already doing!

I know, farmboy...

So what am I going to do? I don't want to live like this. Nothing ever happens. Isn't there some science quote about how every action has a reaction? How come that doesn't apply in my case. Why do I always have to be the failure? Why? It's not fair.