Something better happen soon

Everything is a mess right now, man. I'm looking for work with no luck and I can't lose weight and my savings are disappearing. I would say that something better happen soon, but I've been saying that for-fuckin'-ever. I'm beginning to think I live in this alternate universe where nothing changes for the better and everything just gets worse or stays the same. 

I know you're frustrated and angry and I hear you, farmboy. I could tell you to be patient, but I think there's more to it than that. I don't know why nothing changes...

I know, man! It's fuckin' weird. It's amazing that I can put so much work and energy into things with no change at all. I don't know what to fuckin' do about it. I'm fuckin' cursed, you know? 

The past four years have been amongst the hardest years of my life. The accident, the injury, the recovery, the red tape, the money problems, the isolation...when does this stop? Will it ever stop? Am I just fuckin' hopeless?

I don't know, farm boy.

Jesus, no matter what I fucking do, I lose. I don't know what to fucking do. Every fuckin' day I do the shit that I'm supposed to do and it doesn't fucking matter. Nothing fucking matters. I should just fuckin' shoot myself. God knows it's easy enough to get a gun in this fuckin' country. 

I can't take it anymore, I really can't. Fuckin' drown me like a sick puppy. Goddamn it. There is never anything fuckin' thing that can go right. Everything just goes fuckin' wrong.

Fuck this life.