Thinking is dangerous

I've been thinking about lots of stuff lately, man.


Yeah, farmboy? Such as?


I've been thinking about dogs a lot lately. What are dogs thinking? In what language do they think? And why are some dogs so friendly? I mean, it seems like I hardly ever come across asshole dogs, you know? And I know they're out there, but, well, I basically only see my friends' dogs.


All right. What else?


I've been thinking a lot about my Dad and how much I miss him. Last month was ten years since his death and...


I need to change the channel, man.


Are you sure, farmboy? It's okay to talk about your father.


I know it is and I appreciate you listening. And I'm sure I'm going to need to talk about my father, at some point. And my mother, too. Right now is not the time, though.


What else have you been thinking about?


I've been thinking about how fuckin' fast childhood goes...Wait, I'm not sure I want to go there. Let's move on.


What else, then?


Um...Man, I gotta tell you, thinking is dangerous. I keep painting myself into a corner here. Maybe it's just better that I think about dogs, you know?


That's fine, farmboy. But you're a human being and you're asking some very human-like questions.


Maybe so. But sometimes it's just better to think about dogs.

Bessie Sue

I ain't gonna waste one extra minute
thinking there's a life
with you still in it
here's a message you can't ignore
my feet are moving across the floor
step after step to your front door
the one I'm walking through
it's so long to you
Bessie Sue

running back to you

as the sky is my witness

and the moon is my guide

it ain't nobody's business

why I run

and where I hide

there's only one reason

that can't be denied

I was running back to you

and the stars in the desert

shone overhead

while my logic betrayed me

and labeled me dead

you cannot believe

a word that I've said

I am running back to you, girl

I am running back to you

for loving you

somewhere I learned to

cast doubt

on everything I do

but I won't let these feelings

get in the way of you

I will fight

with all of my strength

I will go

to any length

'cause I got what it takes

for loving you

Songs without words

So the rehearsing I've been doing for the CD, it's turned into instrumental time while I practice for the recording of the basic guitar tracks. Songs without words.

How do you like doing this, farmboy?

It's fuckin' challenging, man. You have to keep track of where you are, you really can't let your fuckin' guard down for a second. 'Cause then you can lose place.

I can see where it will be good for me. At least I think it'll be good for me.

I know it will be good for you. I also know that it's a lot of work.

Yeah, but that's okay. I guess for me the main concern is that I can learn this stuff, the playing with a click track, the being in rhythm without it sounding mechanical. I'm hoping I'm smart enough, talented enough.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, farmboy.

Well, thanks, man. I hope you're right. 'Cause a lot of times, from where I stand, I wonder. I wonder if I have what it takes, you know, the raw material for learning.

farmboy, so far in this recording process you've doubted damn near everything about yourself. This is no different. But it's a pattern you might want to break.

No shit, Sherlock. Of course I'd like to break this habit. I'm thinking that maybe I'm in the process of learning how.

Really? I didn't know that. That's great.

I didn't know that until right now. And maybe I still don't know it. Maybe it's a bunch of jumbled words that I just put together because I can.

Or maybe it's true.

Well, I guess we'll just have to fuckin' see.

motorcycle noise

motorcycle noise

echoing through the canyon

somewhere in east jesus

and I am watching

the spectator that I am

"don't get me involved"

the noise grows louder

and louder and louder still

I can still hear it

in my memories

and it keeps growing louder

every day

My lack of fuckin' confidence

So, first day back at work. Glad that's fuckin' out of the way.

I bet, farmboy. What does this week hold in store, musically speaking?

Working on the the CD's songs as instrumentals. What I'm gonna record. The guitar tracks, that is. Sometimes I have a real hard time explaining myself, language-wise.

You do fine, farmboy. You're very good at expressing yourself.

I'm glad you think so. I don't feel like that at all.

In many areas, I may add.

Huh?

Confidence.

Oh, man, you're telling me nothing I don't know. I go through this shit constantly. My lack of fuckin' confidence, that is. It's fuckin' serious, man, and I can't afford it. I can't afford to think I'm a shithead.

So. Every day I work at it in some way. My hope is that all these little things I do actually add up to something. I tell myself they do. They may even be necessary, you know?

You know, you're smarter than you think, farmboy.

I'm fuckin' working on it, man.