cranky electronica

european beats
cranky electronica
still you can't sing well

so much production
wasted like a teenage drunk
because of your voice

but still I listen
because there must be something
critical acclaim

but I hear nothing
good enough to hold onto
maybe it's just me

I want to love you

I want to love you
but I don't know how
in my life
love has never been allowed
I dream and I hope
and I plan and I pray
but love never seems to
travel my way
still I keep living
day after day
I keep waking up in the morning

I want to love you
but where do I start?
my head is wanting 
control of my heart
I think and I think 
then I'm thinking some more
but love never stops
to knock on my door
leaving me lonely
and walking the floor
still I wake up in the morning

I fuckin' isolate myself too fuckin' much

So I went out to a concert last night that I friend gave me a ticket for.

You know, that sentence just didn't come out right. I mean, I've just completely fuckin' ignored all the rules of good grammar. Or at least some of them.

I know what you mean, farmboy. Who did you see.

Janis Ian, and her opening act was a singer names Diana Jones, who I used to know when I lived in Austin. I got to say hi to hear and visit for a little while. She seemed genuinely glad to see me. It was cool, man.

Janis Ian was great. I took at songwriting class from her years ago. 

How did it feel to get out?

It was good. I'm glad I did it. I need to do that kind of thing more often.

It think it would be good for you, farmboy.

Yeah, I fuckin' isolate myself too fuckin' much. I worry about that more and more lately.

passage of time

I'm trying to figure out
this passage of time
because I don't like it one bit
I know that I should
but I don't see any good
counting seconds 
that never seem to quit
but I know my time 
will end someday
and thinking about it
I just want to say
that I love you

Adjusting to spring

Man, it's so late. It's fuckin' 10:30 already! How am I supposed to live my life when I have to go to bed and wake up in a few hours to go to my stupid job? I mean, jeez. You know?

Yeah, farmboy, life is tough. Didn't you just wake up?

Well, yeah. I went to lay down around six o'clock and I fell asleep. I was listening to this music podcast of All Songs Considered from NPR. I like that show. Fills me in on some music that I don't know. And there's a lot of that, believe me.

So, yeah, I guess I maybe don't have a whole lot of time when I fall asleep like that. I mean, I guess I maybe slept for what? Three and a half hours or something?

That's a good amount of time. You must have been tired.

I was. I didn't sleep too well last night.

Why not? Is everything all right, farmboy?

You know, it's basically the way it always is. There are always problems. It's called "life," I guess. Last night, though, I just couldn't get comfortable. I'm adjusting to spring or something. It's just not as cold as it has been and so I was too warm then too cold. Back and forth, you know. Tonight it'll be better.

It sounds like it already is.

I'm glad. I like spring.

warning

morning comes quickly
to this land of commerce, son
better get on board

before it's too late
you have no way of knowing
when the ax will fall

some days I am empty

some days I am empty
a hollow shell of a man
who is too tired
to notice anything

I look inside
and discover that I don't want to
delve deeper
feel too much
share my sorrow
too sore to touch

I am hungry for silence
I want to be calm
I will trust
that I will be here
tomorrow