high school never ends

there's death and there's taxes
and the new pop culture trends
no matter how old you are
high school never ends

how not to be suicidal

"oh, sure" I say to her
"tell me how not to be suicidal
tell me again how life's worth living
give me your wisdom,
won't you, please?"
she countered with cliches
of spiritual survival
she rallied all her allies
to combat my disease

oncoming cars

I am not afraid
as I walk into the street
in the path of
oncoming cars
it is my destiny 
right there in front of me
I'll say hi to mom and dad
if I live to be
on local TV

I can't live in panic all the time

farmboy, I'm worried about you.

I'm worried about me, too.

What's going on?

I'm having these problems at work. I had some kind of panic attack the other day and everything got turned around, emotionally speaking. I guess...

What do you mean "I guess"?

I mean that it's a self-diagnosis. I did go to the doctor, though, who prescribed an anti-anxiety medication. Clonazepam, which I am very familiar with.

I remember that, farmboy. 

Yeah, it's fuckin' great, man.

So what's your next step?

I need to get things figured out on how I'm going to approach the process of getting out of the fuckin' classroom that I've been stuck in this year. But I'm gonna have to try to get out, man. I can't live in panic all the time.

You need to get out of there, farmboy. It's not worth your health.

I know. 

I can help, you know. I can listen and you can run ideas by me if you feel like it.

Thanks, man. I'm sure I'll take you up on it.

special

I wanted to be special
I wanted to stand out
I wanted everyone to see
what I was all about
but I was so, so wrong
and now I'm afraid
that I don't cut the mustard
that I don't make the grade
that I don't measure up
I let the chips fall where they may
and a million and one
bad overused cliches

I always knew that I was special
I was destiny's kid
it was sad when I realized
nobody else did
so I went to find my talent
(everybody has a gift)
but all I found was failure
with a capital f
I lent my ears to music
I tried my hand at poker
but at my best I must confess
I was halfway mediocre

My dad used to tell me I dwelled on things too much

So, um, things are not going well. It's like all the pressures at work just kept building up until they just...well, not exploded, really, nothing that dramatic, but everything reached some kind of peak and here I am, taking some time off work and trying to get medications. Today I saw my doctor. That was weird. 

I am not doing well, but I am better than you'd think. Well, maybe not what you'd think,, but it's definetly what I think. Or what I would think. Or something.

I'm taking tomorrow off and I'm gonna try to get my mind off all the stress caused by my fuckin' job. I gotta get my mind off this stuff, I tell you. I get fuckin' obsessed. My dad used to tell me I dwelled on things too much.

Anyway, I thought I'd tell you this stuff because...well, man, I needed to talk to somebody and you're the lucky recipient. Thanks for being there, man.

See you later.

sorry

I can't do this anymore
I am sorry
nothing is working anymore
and I don't know what to do