this is your life

this is your life
not your father's
or your mother's
or your lover's
or your friend's
this is your life
and it's nobody's business
exactly how the story's
going to end

          pretend your life is a movie
          you won't need no special effects
          you're the star and head writer
          maybe someday you'd like to direct

this is your life
every day's a decision
that might cause your world
to change
this is your life
still you're convinced
the each waking moment's
the same

          pretend your life is a novel
          the paperback kind
          with a plot that nobody but you
          could hope to find

this is your life
tomorrow's another day
to self-criticize
and condemn
this is your life
take it or leave it
it's only here now
it will never be like this again
this is your life

halfway house, take two

caught between freedom and prison
between birth and baptism
that's where I call home
stuck inside 
where temptation can't find me
please don't remind me
of the seeds I've sown

out of one joint
and into the other
I tell you, my brother
I got my doubts
the past is a joke
and the future's a riddle
now I'm stuck in the middle
of this halfway house

         I'm in a halfway house
         I'm in a halfway house
         I'm living in limbo
         in a halfway house

here I ain't losing
here I can't win
the shape I'm in
is a crying shame
I got my own mind
but I'll hear your suggestions
I'm open to questions
at this stage of the game

          in this halfway house
          I'm at home in this halfway house
          I'm taking the high road
          at a halfway house

done my time, learned my lessons
I'm second guessing
every instinct I own
when I walk out this door
I got no way of knowing
if the way I'm going
is the path back home

          or the halfway house
          am I safe inside a halfway house
          maybe you can show me
          in the halfway house
          in a halfway house
         I'm working for my future
         in this halfway house

the invisible man

I am not young
and what that means
is I'm the invisible man
if I am here
I'll disappear
as fast as anything can
I know there is nobody
who will halfway notice me
when the bottom of my hourglass
is filling up with sand
good to meet you
I'm the invisible man

I have no money
and what that means 
is that I'm an invisible guy
my wallet is bare
so no one cares
you're allowed to pass me by
I don't expect much for myself
'cause I ain't worth nothing 
to no one else
I know that there are bigger fish
that you have to fry
remember me?
I'm the invisible guy

this brain

I got this brain
that doesn't know how to quit
I try but I
can't get no sense out of it
now, that brain spins
over and over again
it's got only one track
like a train that won't end
it's driving me insane
this brain
this brain
this brain
says I love you
it won't let you go
this brain
wants the world to know
that you and me
are a perfect pair
like ginger rogers 
and fred astaire
at the hotel charlemange 
this brain
this brain
this brain

this brain
is bound for glory
this brain
says don't ignore me
this brain
tells the age-old story
of loving you
the whole night through

I got this brain
is the same brain as a bird
I admit
that it's a bit absurd
I can't turn it off
I can't make it stop
and on its list, baby
you're on top
it's driving me insane
I don't mean to complain
but it only knows your name
this brain
this brain
this brain

I peed standing up

It's Monday and I've finished my first weekend at my brother's house.

How's it been, farmboy?

Well, it's a transition, you know? Lots of stuff to learn, lots of tiny challenges that feel like big challenges at the time. I peed standing up for the first time today, I took my first shower here. My brother helped me get ready for it, but I've been getting more and more independent with a lot of things.

Excellent, farmboy. Have the therapists visited you yet? 

One has, mostly just to see how I'm doing with all this walking and shit. It went well, very well. She said that my goal of moving back to my apartment in a month or so should be doable. That will be, like, the final transition.

I bet that'll feel good.

I think it'll feel fuckin' great, man. Not that it's bad here. It's not bad, not bad at all. But there's nothing like being in your own place. I want to go home, smoke weed, order pizza, play guitar. Even though, actually, I can do that this weekend when my brother and his wife and daughter go up to Seattle for the weekend.

Party time?

I don't know about that, but it'll be my first real amount of time alone since the accident. I'm really looking forward to it.

It'll probably have some challenges of its own, farmboy.

I'm sure it will. Everything does, especially lately. But I'll be fine. I know what to do in case of an accident. I've been learning stuff for the past three months, you know? It'll be good, man.

halfway house

here I am
not knowing my place
nervous as a hound dog
on the fourth of July
tripping over
my own shoelaces
but I'm here
I'm gonna give it a try
here I am
here at the halfway house

here I am
on the outside
wind blowing through
my disappearing hair
government van
let's take a ride
you gotta get
from here to there
and there you are
here at the halfway house

          will I make it?
          will I fail?
          will good triumph?
          will truth prevail?
          is my future
          back in jail
          or somewhere on the street?

here I am
scared as hell
staring down
my doubts and fears
staring down
a wishing well
hey, what am 
I doing here?
here we are
here at the halfway house
here at the halfway house
here at the halfway house

          

choosing random words on a Kindle

I'm so sorry
go home to get out
the only love to see
if you want it

I'm not going anywhere
I don't want to do it
in this way
first of all of us
the whole lot of you know
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry I am very interested in my mind
the whole time
for you to know
really good time with
nothing