Two dozen cups of espresso

Oh, man, I'm all fuckin' stressed out. I'm here at my brother's house and things aren't going real well.

What's going wrong, farmboy?

It'll pass, but I'm all anxious like I've drank, like, two dozen cups of espresso. It's all frustration, it's all little shit. Like I left my grabber at home -- that's the thing I use to pick up stuff since my legs have been fucked up. And, of course, I fuckin' drop everything.

There's some emotional stuff going with my niece and that concerns me. And financial stuff as well.  -- that's what started this whole thing off. And I'm having to deal with the lawsuit. I'm just all fuckin' kind of stressed out. I'm just feeling all kinds of pressure in my life right now.

So they're all problems that will pass, then.

Yeah, and I'm totally aware of that. And after talking to you I'm going to do nothing for a while. Maybe I'll listen to a podcast or something. I gotta get this crap out of my mind.

Good thinking, farmboy. Redirect yourself.

That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna try not to worry for the rest of the day. That's my goal.

Now all I have to do is not pressure myself to not worry. It's kinda a balancing act, if you think about it. Or something like that.

Solutions will come

I'm here at my brother's house. Couldn't hardly fuckin' believe it, man, I got out of my apartment, down the stairs, up the walkway to the street where I got into a car for the first time in ten months. Got to my brother's house; I got out of the car and was able to somehow get up the stairs and inside the house. Fuckin' amazing, man, this mobility thing. Another set of skills learned.

That's really good, farmboy. You've been doing a fair bit of problem solving in the past few months.

I know, right? That's, like, all I do anymore. Of course, there's been a whole lot of problems. All sorts of shit.

But you've persevered, farmboy. You've had to learn a lot of things with no preparation.

Yeah. It's interesting, you know. That's the part I kinda enjoy in a way. And I'm beginning to understand that I can do that, that solutions will come.

That's a pretty major breakthrough, farmboy, if I may say so.

Well, now I just have to remember it. It's all about not panicking, man. You just got to think a little bit.

The swing of things

Well, I'm going back to my brother's house.

What happened, farmboy? Is everything all right?

Oh, yeah, it's fine. It's going good, in fact. I'm going there so I can be with my niece during the day. She's out of school now and both my brother and his wife are working, so I'm just trying to help them out a little. I mean, they've helped me an amazing amount these past few months.

Yes, they have. It's good that you're doing that.

It'll be good for me, too. Get me out of this apartment, get to see other people. I can get myself pretty fuckin' isolated sometimes.

It sounds like a healthy move.

They've also got their piano back from storage, so there's always that as well. I did a fair amount of writing for piano in rehab, so it'll be good to work on some stuff.

I think I could get back in the swing of things, man. I just need to get back to good habits. All these transitions have had their difficulties but the coast is clear for right now. Or at least as far as I can tell. I ain't no magic guy that can predict the future.

You're due for some better times, farmboy.

We're all due for better times, man. I'll settle for just a little calmness for a while.

back yard

there's a party down the street
everybody's in the back yard
drinking beer and grilling meat
ain't nothing too hard
people eating 
people chewing
people doing what they doing
smoking weed and barbequing
I wish I were one of them

shortnin' bread

I got some flour
I got some yeast
I got an appetite
to say the least
I try to keep my stomach
properly fed
with a big ol' piece
of shortnin' bread

          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread

gimme cup of coffee
tablespoon of cream
my old work boots
and yesterday's jeans
I'll start the day
working in the shed
after a piece 
of this shortnin' bread

          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread

I want to be a good man
with a simple life
some primo marijuana
in a dime store pipe
love my neighbor
like the good book said
bring 'em round a piece
of that shortnin' bread

          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin', shortnin'
          mama's little baby loves
          shortnin' bread

secrets in these hills

there are secrets in these hills
take a look around you
on the back roads from the city
to your hometown
there are secrets in these hills
and they all surround you
on the back roads from the city
to your hometown

and they won't leave you alone
they will not let you go
they'll always whisper in your head
and, buddy, you're forsaken
if you should try to shake them
they'll only come back again
and again
and again

there are secrets in these hills
just take off your headphones
you can hear them from the city
to your hometown
there are secrets in these hills
and they follow you home
on the back roads from the city
to your hometown

you thought that you'd be different
you thought the past was past
but that thought didn't last long
did it?
this concrete interaction
won't bring you satisfaction 
you don't need to wait an extra minute

there are secrets in these hills
there are secrets in these hills

Out on the playground saying "Hey! Where is everyone?"

I'm feeling sad tonight, man. Now that I'm in my apartment, I find myself kinda looking back at the past few months and it seems so fuckin' surrealistic. I mean, boom! In one small moment everything changed in my life. I took an ambulance. I was in pain. My legs wouldn't move when I'd ask them to. I was scared, man.

I know you were, farmboy. 

So then I'm in a hospital and I have surgery. Then I'm off to a rehab facility for a couple months. Then back to the hospital for their intensive therapy program. Then to my brother's. Now here in my apartment. 

So what were all these little lives in these places? You know, chances are I'll never see most, if not all, of these people again. And that just seems cruel to me. And I know that that's crazy, but...

You get attached.

Like a fuckin' little kid, man. It's so fuckin' strong. It's like I'm out on the playground saying "Hey! Where is everyone?"

So I'll be fine. I'm just sad. I wish I had gotten to say goodbye to more people. The occupational therapist at the first rehab place, he was like the best friend I had there. But I didn't get to say thank you and goodbye and now he's part of the past. I wish I could have taken his picture at least. And I'll probably never see him again.

And it's that way with so many people in my life. My friends in Austin. The schools I've worked at. It's all one long fuckin' series of goodbyes, you know?

Man, I gotta think of something else. Where's that pipe at?