the world doesn't revolve around you

just because you think
the world revolves around you
doesn't mean that
the world revolves around you
well, I hate to burst your bubble
but you're getting too much trouble
I'm leaving on the double
that's what I'll do
because the world 
doesn't revolve around you

please don't forget me

please don't forget me
please remember my name
please acknowledge my existence
in this inhospitable terrain
if my life had turned out different
if my choices had been smarter
if I had karma, luck and money
if I had only worked a little smarter
maybe I would matter
maybe I would matter

Brian 2, the fuckin' sequel

How was meeting your new therapist, farmboy?

It had been such a hard fuckin' day, man. Every single fuckin' little thing goes wrong, just like it seems to do a lot lately. Or they. Or what-fuckin'-ever.

So I arrive at the therapist's office 15 minutes late. Of course. So I meet him. Very different from the picture on his website, not that it matters. I kinda don't like seeing pictures of potential therapists on line, 'cause that's not what I'm looking for and I don't want physical appearance to influence me.

Anyway, he was nice but very business-like. Very well organized. Which are not bad things. I just hope it's not all about business but also about...well, it would be nice to have a little compassion, a little understanding. I seem to need that.

Especially right now?

Especially right now. I've been pretty fuckin' fragile for a while, man.

So this guy, Brian 2...

Brian 2?

Brian 2, the fuckin' sequel. His name is Brian, just like the last therapist. Choice number two, the psychiatrist that doesn't do therapy, his name is Brian also. Maybe if my parents had named me Brian I'd actually have a real profession.

I hope he's good. I like how he's so down to business, but I also don't like it. Which is kind of unreasonable on my part, because it is his business. Literally.

He seems very thorough, he's got that going for him. I also like how he kind of takes charge, though I also have problems with that, too. But it all makes sense. I think that's just his way of working.

Do you have any future appointments booked with him, farmboy?

Next Wednesday, 11 a.m. One bus ride. No transfers. And there's a weed dispensary and my favorite Thai take-out place. I recommend the pad see eu with beef.

I want to finish unfinished business

So I'm meeting a new therapist in a couple hours. Maybe he won't fuckin' leave me like every other fuckin' person does.

Anyway, I need to figure out what I want to tell him. 

Okay, farmboy. What's the most important subject that you want to address?

How about all of the above?

Be serious.

I am. There's a whole lot of issues. I've got more issues than National Geographic.

The most pressing issue is the accident and its aftermath. But all these issues are connected. It all comes down to depression...mental illness. And that's been the fuckin' fact since I was a child. And I want to finish unfinished business.

This childhood shit has been fuckin' torturing me my whole fuckin' life. It's fuckin' taken everything it can from me. I'm emotionally isolated from members of my own species. I can't have close relationships. I can't even have close friends, and it's all because of all this fuckin' shit that I can't even fuckin' remember.

What else? Self-medication. I have to self-medicate all the time. I can't find any better alternative.

I'd also like to know some diagnosis stuff. I'd like to know what the fuck I have. I want to address medications. I want totalk about the chance that I may be bipolar.

Or maybe I'm just fucked.

if there is good news

if there is good news
you know that I'd choose
to somehow ignore it
I've had good news before
it always turns to bad

hide the evidence

quick
now
before we get in trouble
hide the evidence
no one needs to know
it's sick
how
to do it
while you're seeing double
hide the evidence
in that secret place you go
to when you need someone to hold you
and there ain't no one around
when the blues try to control you
and the whole world's turning you down
you're safe and sound
hide the evidence
hide the evidence

I don't want to think

time to smoke that marijuana
time to inhale ativan
time to eat a plate of French fries
with a cold beer in my hand
time for that Kentucky whiskey
pour me another drink
'cause I don't want to think