when I see my mail carrier

when I see my mail carrier
I want to marry her
because she brings my
unemployment checks
twice a month when I see my honey
she gives me money
what did you expect?
I'm one of those 
no-good-for-nothings
now, tell me something
that I don't know
I'm one of those mustache charlies
I'm not sorry
and I'll tell you so

I'm looking for adventure
this ain't new hampshire
or disneyland
I'm looking for something new
something to do
in this traffic jam
I'm on a forbidden highway
sinatra's my way
ringing in my ears 
you can say anything you want to
but I'm going to 
get away from here

when I see my mail carrier
there's nothing merrier
than welfare dough
I make a bank deposit
just because it's
so responsible
adios 
my friends and family
I know I'm rambling
but that's all right
I'm feeling faraway bound
inside this greyhound
it's a glorious night
good night

The worst way to live

Are you having a good night, man? What've you been up to? 

Not a whole lot, farmboy. Just waiting for this election to be over.

Me too. Though I find it fascinating and even entertaining in a way. And that's because I ignored everything for so long -- you know, the accident and the emotional shit -- and here we are. 

Here we are. It's a mess.

It's a fuckin' zoo, man. But I really hate the idea of being scared all the time, which some people understandably are. I mean, I've been afraid of everything all my fuckin' life, and it's the worst way to live. 

I don't know why I was always afraid growing up. And I still am. And I really want to stop all that fear unless it's necessary.

You're on your way, farmboy. I'm proud of you for working so hard. Wait till you see where this is all going to lead you.

What are you talking about, man?

You'll see.

potential verses for "judge, your honor"

I said
"hey judge baby
I do believe
you got something special
up those judicial sleeves"
she said
"hey baby I do declare
you got some brains
under your missing hair"

she banged the gavel
and the plaintiff came
we stood up 
we sat down
and he called my name
the beautiful judge said
what say ye
I said
"guilty in the first degree"

she said "little man
may I see you in my chambers?"
I confidently stepped inside
thinking I could tame her
but she kicked off both
of her high heel shoes
and said "little man
I got a lesson for you"

she looked like a showgirl
a dyed platinum blonde
almost like a commercial
when the TV's on

well, that's me

you know that guy
you see him walking by
and say
"I'm glad I'm not him"
well, that's me
you see that man
voodoo donut in his hand
and say 
"go to the gym"
well, that's me

          be careful who you judge
          bad karma doesn't budge
          so you better be nice to me
          be careful what you say
          bad karma always stays
          so you better think twice, you see
          you see that man 
          you can't stand
          well, that's me

when you see this dude
asking for money to buy food
and say
"go get a job"
well, that's me
you see that fella over there
sitting in a wheelchair
and say
"I'm not him, thank God"
well, that's me

          judging's a lot of fun
          it makes you number one
          on some list no one else can see
          judging's a lot of laughs
          on someone else's behalf
          I know you may disagree
          you see that man
          you can't stand
          well, that's me

judge, your honor

I was trespassing in the city
it was a dark and stormy night
I was hiding from the cops
trying to keep out of sight
til they nabbed me even though
I was incognito
at the plaid pantry 
buying chili-cheese Doritos

they booked me 
and after a long, long while
they finally brought me
in for trial
but I forgot who's side
I was on
when in came the judge
a Hitchcock blonde

          I said judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          I'm guilty of loving you

I looked at her
and she looked at me
I said "I'm guilty, baby,
in the first degree
she looked at me
and I looked at her
and she said 
members of the jury
I do concur"

          and I said
          judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          I'm guilty of loving you

well, what can I tell you
what can I say
we married a year ago
on our wedding day
now she bangs the gavel
in our home sweet home
with three little lawbreakers
of our own

          I say judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          judge, your honor
          I'm guilty of loving you

other people's lives

I want to live the life
I imagine you have
my imagination flies
when it comes to
other people's lives
I want to have 
your friends and family too
I imagine they're just like you
anticipating good times to arrive
in my mind
your life is perfect
and everything is great
you don't see anything
you don't appreciate

I want a job
like I imagine you have
I expect oversized
when it comes to
other people's lives
self-fulfilling and the pay is good
buy a big house
in a good neighborhood
a new car
to take on a long drive
in my mind
your life is perfect
good luck has dished up
extra helpings on your plate

I gotta just focus on the next step

Man, I'm sorry. It's been a long time since I've been in touch. I'm doing this intensive mental health thing twice a week and doing other therapies the rest of the days. Plus I'm just fuckin' writing songs like you wouldn't believe. It's like I'm in some kind of trance and the spell hasn't been broken yet. And I'm just gonna ride that wave out.

But will that be healthy, farmboy? Keeping yourself in misery so you can be artistically productive?

I'm not doing anything like that; in fact, it's the very opposite. My life is dictating the songs, so to speak, and I've got enough sad songs to last for a while. So I'll be chronicling, in a way, my recovery from a serious accident. And I got a ways to go. I just gotta focus on the next step. Not the ones after that, only the next one. For right now.

You might think about taking a little time to consider the big picture once in awhile, farmboy.

Yeah, I guess I should. Maybe I should schedule meetings with myself.

That might not be a bad idea.

Like, say, every Saturday or something, when I'm not doing any therapies. Use my imagination to find out the details of who I want to be.

As well as find out who you really are. 

That's the plan, man. It's that self-knowledge shit, you know?