those people

I want to be one of those people
why can't I be like those people
everyone is those people
why do I have to be me

don't get too close, people
I am a lethal dose, people
some say it's the life I chose, people
why do I have to be me 

it's a natural fact, people
it's more than a balancing act, people
it's just a major panic attack, people
can someone help me
can someone help me
can someone help me
please

the moment has arose, people
ten fingers ten toes people
I want to be like those people
why do I have to be me

can someone help me
can someone help me
can someone help me
please

live in fiction

I don't want to live in fiction no more
I want to see what life's about
truth be known 
I'm fine alone
but I have these nagging doubts
there's this real noise
that I keep missing
I hear each voice
but I refuse to listen
I don't want to live in fiction no more

cheap tequila

I'll be your sweet baby
bring the bottle to my mouth
trouble's rising higher
while my brain is heading south
I gotta leave that cheap tequila alone
just the thought of last night
makes me shiver and squirm
when I see the empty bottle
and wonder who ate the worm
gotta leave that cheap tequila alone

          oh baby, won't you
          give me some more
          I've always enjoyed
          waking up on the floor
          don't need no glass, honey,
          no need to pour
          I'll just drink it straight out of yours

I'm a pretty nice fella
I got a nasty side too
ain't it great
what a little clean living will do
I gotta leave that cheap tequila alone
I'm just a hick-town farmboy
ain't no man of means
I'm living by the seat 
of these dusty old jeans
gotta leave that cheap tequila alone

          oh baby, 
          I'm broke as a broken bone
          I get paid next Friday
          can you spare me a loan?
          and by the way
          I'll need a ride back home
          or can I spend the night with you

I'll be your sweet baby
bring the bottle to my lips
watch out for my
wandering fingertips
I gotta leave that cheap tequila alone
hey, where you going?
don't walk away
my glass is empty
and there's a bill to pay
and I don't have your number
on my telephone
time to leave that cheap tequila alone
gotta leave that cheap tequila alone

Everything is a trigger

Man,, I just don't know. Physically, I've made great progress. But emotionally, man...I'm just as fuckin' confused as ever. 

farmboy, I could tell you to have patience, but you already know that. I know it's frustrating and I wish there was something I could do.

You're listening, man, and that's plenty. 

I've been busy, but that'll be changing soon. I'm finished with the mental health outpatient program-thingy I was doing.Ten days, I think. It was good. I'll miss it. It was good to form relationships with people who were my peers, who weren't staff. 

Monday's my last day of occupational therapy for my hands and on Tuesday physical therapy ends. This whole fuckin' experience -- the fuckin' accident and its emotional fallout -- seems to be one extended period of saying goodbye to people. Fuck.

What are you going to be replacing your therapies and classes with?

I figured I'd smoke a lot of weed and overthink my problems.

farmboy...

I kid, I kid. I'm planning on joining a gym and seeing my therapist twice a week for a while. I've got these projects I want to do. I want to make a website, I want to do this radio documentary, and I want to make an album. I'm gonna be taking this storytelling class -- just met with the teacher yesterday. I want to get in shape and have friends and rule the world.

I'd like to see you rule the world, farmboy.

Don't start me talkin' about politics, man. It's a trigger. Everything is a trigger in the world according to farmboy.

I'm just going through all this by the seat of my britches day by day. This is all so surreal, so confusing, so fuckin' painful.

I know, farmboy...

But, you know, the creativity's happening. And that's a big thing for me. 

I'm still getting up in the morning, man. And, you know, some days that's a real accomplishment.

classic example of a fool

I've got more issues than national geographic
sometimes I wish my dad had worn a prophylactic 
I don't like this being lost in crosstown traffic
I don't know who I am but I know I'm a classic
classic example of a fool
blaming the others
while hiding under covers
classic example of a fool
I'm thinking you better
finally get your shit together
classic example of a fool
classic example of a fool

hobo jungle (rewrite)

down at the edge of town
where the river runs down
where tumbleweeds blow by
just south of the county line
there's something you should know
about where you shouldn't go
and they call it hobo jungle

back when I was a kid 
I remember my mama said
"son, if you don't walk the narrow and straight
boy, it will be your fate
to wind up like those men
whose dreams come to an end
down in hobo jungle"

          I wanted to visit
          mom said "no!"
          which made me 
          bound and determined to go
          underage
          ignoring the law
          the trouble is
          I liked what I saw

people not wasting time in school
people making their own rules
people laughing, fun and free
people who were not like me
and I knew right then and there
my future's lies somewhere
and I think it's hobo jungle

          the years flew by
          but I kept in mind
          the fate I hoped to fond
          soon my eighteenth birthday came
          and I went on my way

and now it's my home sweet home
out here in the great unknown
living where living's not too hard
far from my father's yard
and I'm happy as a clam
being exactly who I am
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle
down in hobo jungle

mom and dad

I did pretty well, you must admit
I didn't talk about breakdowns
and takedowns
or attempts at suicide
I never let on
how I really am inside
instead I was polite
I can be good at hiding
go on
admit it
I wasn't bad
aren't you glad
I didn't embarrass you
mom and dad