she's in the know

she knows everything about hollywood
but she's never been out of Nebraska
she knows the rumors a fangirl should
all you have to do is ask her
ask her whose career is running off course
ask her whose performance is a tour de force
ask her which director caused whose divorce
any movie or show
she's in the know

she knows everything about celebrity
and she's not talking discreetly
she gets the blues if she don't hear the news
before entertainment weekly
ask her which producer's running wild
which actor fathered the mystery child
they're the people on whom nature smiled
their plastic surgeons will tell you so
she's in the know

       and, yeah, she's got her husband
       her children and her home
       and subscriptions to show biz magazines
       the outside world has never known

she knows which performers know the martial arts
kung fu and karate
she knows all the sex lives of everyone
except the one of her own body
ask her what her dreams are
she won't say
she'll turn and look the other way
heading for another day
basking in the afterglow
she's in the know
she's in the know
she's in the know

I always wanted to be 2

I always wanted to be
whatever I was not
whatever was the new thing
whatever was sold and bought
somebody who faced adventure
without a second thought
well, now I'm old and gray and tired
and I've given all I got
Lord forgive me
for wasting all this precious time

I always wanted to be
that fella over there
a million miles of credit
and a head of handsome hair
charisma like Sinatra
feet like Fred Aistaire
now my time is almost over
here inside this wheelchair
Lord forgive me
for wasting all this precious time

I never wanted to be
the man who had a home
friends and faith and family
no need for the unknown
guess I'll just have to live with
the lack of seeds I've sown
but it's all right
I'll be fine here all alone
Lord forgive me
for wasting all this precious time
forgive me
I wasted all my precious time

I always wanted to be
whatever I was not

invisible for you

I tried to make myself 
invisible for you
I stood as quiet 
as a baby deer on snow
I tried to do the one thing 
I could not do
I tried to be 
someone I do not know
I had no name
I had no voice
and in the end
I had no choice
I had to keep fighting

unfinished jigsaw puzzle

there are times
when I don't say a word
I just stare at life
as an unfinished jigsaw puzzle
there are times
when I have nothing to say
but I still open my mouth
maybe I should wear a muzzle
I remember every mistake I've ever made
from this morning's cold coffee
to first through twelfth grade
I remember every person
who told me I would fail
I never asked for forgiveness
I just want justice to prevail
I just want justice to prevail

Little Rock 1953

I was only a boy
not even in school yet
up on my daddy's shoulders to see
those convertible cars
with well-dressed white folks
who would always be
more important than me
and we clapped
and we cheered
as the cars were getting near
though we didn't even know 
who was inside
local yokels on a fourth of July ride
a day to celebrate being free
for everyone a lighter shade of me
in Little Rock 1953

summer camp for sad people 2

you knew what was needed
you had a choice
and you chose to listen
to your own voice
scared but not silent
soft but strong
sounds like you knew it all along

so you walked through
automatic metal doors 
with windows patched with 2x4s
to confront something you couldn't ignore
anymore

and it was like
summer camp for sad people
where you made friends
who were going through
what you were going through
you didn't have to explain much
'cause almost everybody knew
the hand that life has dealt
and you're all needing help
helping each other make it through
it's like summer camp
it's like summer camp
for sad people like you

too fuckin' cold

it's too fuckin' cold
I should not be on this bus
I should have worn a warm coat
like they do in new hampshire
I guess I'm spoiled
I should not cause a fuss
but it's just too fuckin' cold
that's for damn sure
there are bicycles with icicles
there are cars spinning around
there are breezes when it freezes
and they shut everything down
and it sure is getting old
it's too fuckin' cold