proud of yourself

you could have let me know
you could have said 
a sentence or two
you could have let me know
so I could do 
what I have to do
but instead you had
to have your way
with no thought about
anyone else
is there anything
you have to say
are you feeling
proud of yourself

you could have been a friend
you could have stopped
your two-timing ways
now we have come to an end
I'm seeing daylight
through the haze
but instead you thought
of only you
without a clue
or a reason to help
what do you want me to do
are you feeling
proud of yourself

          don't come around here
          anymore
          I don't want you knocking
          on my front door

you could have used your words
you could have quit
your deceiving style
this may seem absurd
but there's a lying face
beneath that smile
but instead
you stabbed me in the back
like the coward
that you are
I've been under constant attack
but that will only go so far
hear my words
get to hell
are you feeling
proud of yourself

lots of thoughts

I got lots of thoughts
they've got my stomach
tied up in knots
I want to put them in a mailbox
and send them far, far away
I got lots of thoughts
but they don't thicken the plot
each one is a forget-me-not
that's here to stay

so I self medicate
and try to meditate
so I can appreciate
my mind
but it don't work for me
it's just a jerk to me
means lots of hurt for me
the emotional kind

I got lots of thoughts
but they can't give me what I want
it's like a case of chicken pox
without any cure
I got lots of thoughts
playing a game of
beat the clock
sometimes they come as a shock
lately I'm not so sure

so I take Klonopin
to quiet the voice within
then maybe I can begin
to rest
but thoughts come back to me
intrusively
maybe more therapy
would suit me the best

I got lots of thoughts
sometimes I think
that's all I've got
tying my stomach in knots
thoughts
think they're here to stay
thoughts
please go away

that's me

I don't need your pity, sir
I am a man of means
I just choose to wear no shoes
with drool on these ripped jeans
and speaking of ripped
that's what I am
as you can plainly see
drunk and stoned
and headed home
that's me

they told you

they told you
since you could open your eyes
that you were worthless
so it came as no surprise
when you grew into a man
you were broken in two
there could never be anyone
as useless as you
that's what they told you
that's what they told you

they told you
you were not as expected
so you turned and leaned to
the wrong direction
when you grew into a man
you knew what master to serve
there is nothing in this world
you truly deserve
that's what they told you
that's what they told you

they told you
never to argue
never to complain
now you're injecting
that shit through your veins
when you grew into a man
you stayed a little kid
waiting for punishment
for whatever you did
that's what they told you
that's what they told you

they told you
before you learned how to walk
how peril exists
in the way that they talked
when you grew into a man
no one on your side
how could you have known
that they lied
that they lied
it was all they told you
lies
that's what they told you
that's what they told you

other people's outsides

I'm always comparing my insides
to other people's outsides
and no matter what I do
I always wind up short
I've got my excuses
but fact is, the truth is
this ain't no baseball game
and life is not a sport

          look at you
          look at me
          I know which one of us
          I'd rather be

I'm always comparing my failures
to hopeful persuaders
I don't want to hear
the cold, hard facts
I've got my reasons
but now they're teasing me
and no matter what I do
I don't know how to react

          look at me
          look at you
          I know which of us
          doesn't have a clue

I'm always comparing my insides
to other people's outsides
I do it over and over again
knowing I'll never win

collateral damage

this is me
walking now
talking like
I don't know how
I have spent
too many days
fighting my way
out of this maze
I am wounded
I am sore
I am collateral damage
nothing more

I'm guilty

no matter what I do
no matter what I say
no matter what I think
I'm guilty
guilty of my petty crimes
my rapid decline
of my own design 
make sure mistakes
are underlined
I'm guilty

everything I see
everything I want
everything I need
I'm guilty
guilty of not learning lessons
I'm at work messin'
with a Catholic session
get the priest
take my confession
I'm guilty

          guilty as charged
          I'm a criminal
          who's at large

give me a hint of hope
give me some kind of touch
give me peace of mind
I'm guilty
guilty of taking space
taking first base
in the human race
you know what would be amazing?
grace
I'm guilty
please get me out of this place
I'm guilty