people's photographs (rewrite 1)

I look at other people's photographs

and wish that I could be like them

with friends with whom you just might share a laugh

and see the spark within

picnics and parties

coke and Bacardi

no one's a stranger in the room

new friends and old

stories to be told

promises you'll be returning soon

I am amazed at people's photographs

because they're always having fun

laughter existing for its own behalf

sun shining bright on everyone

none of that arguing

conflict ruins everything

friendships broken and betrayed

I'm shy as I can be

there is no guarantee

that I won't be afraid

maybe I'll be in a photograph

like all those happy people are

it will be written on my epitaph

I spent my life just wishing on a star

will you invite me?

chances are, it might be

scary but I'll still take the risk

and if you have a camera

you'll take a panorama

to prove to others I exist

I want to be in people's photographs

drink in my hand and smile on my face

but I'll go down a forgotten path

to be strong another day

I miss people

everything's okay

as far as I can see

I have no problems

out to worry me

but I could use

a little company

I miss people

I rent my own apartment

I live by myself

I don't depend on

anybody else

but sometimes I need

just a little help

I miss people

           sometimes I think

           I'm used to being alone

           it's what I do

           it's the only life I've known

often I wish

my loneliness would end

I would enjoy

being social again

what I would give

to have some friends

I miss people

maybe tomorrow

I'll have something to do

maybe I'll meet someone

who will help me through

maybe that someone

will turn out to be you

I miss people

nobody notices me

nobody notices me

I am standing in the background

where people cannot see

nobody notices me

living in a world

where the past won't let me be

I am invisible

but I am here

I've done my best

to disappear

but I am not a mystery

nobody notices me

this is how my day begins (rewrite 1)

this is how my day begins

I brush my teeth and wash my skin

shave the whiskers off my chin

and start a brand new day

listen to the coffee perk

catch the bus and go to work

time to be a sales clerk

everyone out of my way

this is how my day starts out

with a whisper, not a shout

I'd like to be a layabout

but work needs to be done

time to please the customers

do whatever they prefer

I'm hoping I can find a cure

doctor, give me some

          I dream someday that things will change

          but they never do

          the same old stuff, but it's not enough

          to change my point of view

work all day, go back home

eat my supper all alone

my life is not my safety zone

I can't wait for sleep to come

a little peace is what I need

drink some whiskey, smoke some weed

satisfaction guaranteed

I don't bother anyone

          I do my best to get some rest

          when I walk through the door

          of my apartment here

          I grab a beer

          and do what I did before

          

I've learned falling is not enough

it may be hard, it may be rough

it all depends on getting up

as best as you know how

I am standing once again

considering this world I'm in

I'm the same man that I've always been

and somehow that's enough

          I dream someday that things will change

          but they never do

          but still I try

          I don't know why

          it's how I make it through

          some days I lose

          some days I win

          this is how my day begins

          

this is how my day begins

this is how my day begins

I brush my teeth and wash my skin

shave the whiskers off my chin

and start a brand new day

listen to the coffee perk

catch the bus and go to work

time to be a sales clerk

everyone out of my way

work all day, go back home

eat my supper all alone

my life is a danger zone

I can't wait for sleep to come

a little peace is what I need

drink some whiskey, smoke some weed

satisfaction guaranteed

I don't bother anyone

          I dream someday that things will change

          but they never do

          the same old stuff, but it's not enough

          to change my point of view

this is how my day starts out

with a whisper, not a shout

I'd like to be a layabout

but work needs to be done

time to please the customers

do whatever they prefer

I'm hoping I can find a cure

doctor, give me some

          I do my best to get some rest

          when I walk through the door

          of my apartment here

          I grab a beer

          and do what I did before

          all I ever do is clean

          this massive mess I'm in

          this is how my day begins

I've learned falling is not enough

it may be hard, it may be rough

it all depends on getting up

as best as you know how

I am standing once again

considering the shape I'm in

all I want's a way to win

if that can be allowed

          I dream someday that things will change

          but they never do

          but still I try

          I don't know why

          it's how I make it through

          and tomorrow I'll wake up from my sleep

          and do it all again

          this is how my day begins

          

now I am transparent (rewrite 1)

my life has been like everybody else's

hard and rough and tough to explain

sometimes I give, sometimes I'm selfish

sometimes I feel as constant as the rain

I have tried to stand my ground

but I can't hide the sorrow I've found

           and now I am transparent

           anyone can read my thoughts

           you can look right at my face

           and see what I am not

           now I am transparent

           my insides are outside

           for the whole wide world to see

           there's something fierce inside of me

           now I am transparent

like cellophane over something new

you can see just how I feel 

I'm someone you can see right through

I wear my smile like a shield

I have tried to be somebody else

now I'm afraid to be myself

          and now I am transparent

          now you see just who I am

          I try to hide myself inside

          but I don't think I can

          now I am transparent

          I'm lost and so alone

          I don't know what I can do

          to find a way for breaking through

          now I am transparent

maybe someday I'll do the best I can

maybe someday I'll finally understand

          but now I am transparent

          and I'm so disgraced

          everything I feel 

          always shows within my face

          now I am transparent

          like the air that's in the sky

          I'm as clear as I can be

          there's nothing that's protecting me

          now I am transparent

          

darkness in my soul

dark gray clouds are coming in

along with a whistling wind

it's going to rain again

but I like it that way

I hope that you won't find me rude

or think that I've been misconstrued

but the rain and cold fit my mood

on this dark and dreary day

          I don't want to see the sun

          shining down on everyone

          I just want to have control

          over this darkness in my soul

sadness always comes to me

when I think I'm finally free

of pain and all its misery

that's when I see it returning

it's biology, simple and plain

I'm missing something in my brain

everything turns out the same

despite lessons I am learning

          I don't need to count the stars

          to find that I am worlds afar

          loneliness swallows me whole

          with this darkness in my soul

this morning I will start again

I'll take a pill, some Klonopin

and see if the light will let me in

but I know it's all in vain

the voices in my head stand trial

fighting off my weak denial

if I can, I know that I will

try to fight it off again

          I don't have to read the signs

          I know I'm fucked up in my mind

          this living sure does take a toll

          inside the darkness in my soul