I will never find my true home

 

I was born in the state of confusion/ I was raised in a state of grace/ I've searched the wide world over/ but I still don't know my place/ it doesn't  matter where I wander/ makes no difference if I roam/ I will always look over yonder/ I will never find my true home

all my life I've been so lonesome/ the one who never fits in/ I stand by myself away from the crowd/ uncomfortable in my own skin/ every place I ever go/ I always stand alone/ living as another stranger/ I will never find my true home

I look for what I'll never see/ it's all a mystery/ knowing that I don't belong/ I try the best I can/ but I still don't understand/ how my life has turned out so damn wrong

maybe tomorrow I'll learn something new/ maybe I'll find someone to trust/ but till then my words come up empty/ they leave me stranded in the dust/ soon I'll head out in the distance/ where my mistakes are all unknown/ I only know one thing for certain/ I will never find my true home/ I will never find my true home 

new town

I am in a new town/ with new sights all around me/ new people surround me/ I don't know who I am/ in a village full of strangers/ is it safe or is there danger/ all these new experiences/ I don't quite understand

I am in a new place/ my eyes have never seen/ I am an old machine/ and I am breaking down/ but still I stare in wonder/ at the newness that I see/ sunshine pouring over me/ I am in a new town

walk around/ listen to the sounds/ let them ring inside my brain/ take a walk/ listen to locals talk/ nothing here is the same/ I don't know anyone's name

I am in a new town/ I will not be here long/ back where I belong/ is where I will go/ but for now I am here/ where the sky is so clear/ I am in a new town/ somewhere I should know

Trip update#1

I am in Santa Paula, California right now, for my family reunion. So I'm typing on a kindle and we'll see how that works.

I haven't traveled in so long. It feels strange to me. I'm too self conscious and afraid of making mistakes. Hopefully I'll get some material for songs. I haven't played guitar now for two days, which is some kind of record. I'm hoping they have one at my brother's house.

I saw my sister and her husband Mike last night, plus my nephew Isaac and his girlfriend, who is a cobbler and very nice. We're in a classy rental house right now, we being my brother Kirk, his wife Lisa, and their daughter Scarlett.

Don't have any idea for songs, but hopefully they will come. And hopefully I'll get to play guitar soon. That's about it for today. More later.

somewhere I don't know (rewrite 1)

I've got my guitar

the stars are aligned

the car's full of gas

I'm ready this time

to take body and mind

where they need to go

off in the distance

somewhere I don't know

I've been scared of adventure

for my whole life

everything the same

that's what I like

but today I feel different

I cannot be slow

I need to find purpose

somewhere I don't know

          I was once afraid before

'         I don't feel that anymore

so start up the engine

step on the gas

the future is waiting

and it's coming fast

there must be some place

where somebody can grow

I know home is out there

somewhere I don't know

I'm going home

I don't want to admit my fear

but it's getting the better of me

what can I do

I barely move

and the rest is history

I sit on the front porch

to rest my weary bones

I'm going home

I'm going home

how are you all doing

tell me how you've been

after all these many years

it's good to see you again

lately I have seen some things

that are better left alone

I'm going home

I'm going home

          seems like my hometown

          has something up it's sleeve

          it's so much fun to visit

          knowing that you'll leave

all these private landmarks

all these fields of green

grasshoppers jump like 

they're bouncing on a trampoline

today I am going into

what might be the unknown

I'm going home

I'm going home

I know I will survive this

and soon it will be done

chances are it might be

an opportunity for fun

but still it feels like something

that you have outgrown

I'm going home

I'm going home

somewhere I don't know

I've packed my bags

the stars are aligned

the car's full of gas

I'm ready this time

to take body and mind

where they need to go

off in the distance

somewhere I don't know

I've been scared of adventure

for my whole life

everything the same

that's what I like

but today I feel different

I can't live below

I need to find good news

somewhere I don't know

          I was once afraid before

'         I don't feel that anymore

so start up the engine

put my seat belt on

and wait until morning

I'm leaving at dawn

there must be some place

where I can grow

I know peace is out there

somewhere I don't know

time bomb

it gets harder everyday

to talk sense to myself

to live life the way I want

with my poor mental health

I tell myself I'm lucky

I tell myself I'm sane

but the little voice inside me

insists that I'm to blame

for every single problem

for my sorrows and my fear

I am doing the best I can

to get out of here

          my heart is like a time bomb

          beating in my chest

          still I know whatever I do

          I will do my best

the bomb is slowly ticking

the end is soon to come

no wonder I have panic

my fight has just begun

I worry about everything

I'm frightened and I'm sad

I don't know what to do

when I feel this bad

but still I will continue

to do what I can do

I will keep on trying

until my days are through

          my heart is like a time bomb

          beating in my chest

          still I know whatever I do

          I will do my best