tourist town

there is a tourist town north of San Diego
where I spent my days chasing innocence lost
I set free my dreams to go where they go
searching for freedom, no matter the cost

          now I see I wasted my time
          nothing happened
          that was supposed to be mine
          only hopes with no reason or rhyme
          what will become of me now
          
in the country I come from old men are sad
no women to turn to when the sea breeze is cold
I never believed it would turn out this bad
not at all like all those lies that you're told

          now I see I wasted my youth
          nothing happened
          when I searched for the truth
          only unanswered questions
          with no burden of proof
          what will become of me now
          
I turn to the ocean, pull my collar up high,
and stare at the water as if it were my grave
I was so wrong, it hurts to be alive
there's nothing to live for
I head toward the waves

          now I see that I wasted my life
          nothing happened
          I always hoped that it might
          save me from fading into that dark night
          what will become of me now
          what will become of me now
          

December comes in

December comes in
through the back door
with boots caked with mud and ice

December comes in
wanting hot cocoa
with whipped cream on top
and one or two cookies
to remind it
warmer days are coming

December comes in
with old memories
that are bitter and dusty
and want to be revealed

December comes in
with the promise of comfort
and echoes of a previous year
burning in its belly

today is Thanksgiving

today is Thanksgiving
and I do give thanks
for the moments of calm 
in this wicked old world
today is Thanksgiving
and I join the ranks
of those with their families
and flags unfurled
for my health and my loved ones
I raise a toast
to all of the creatures
that mean the most
to you and me
and everyone
happy Thanksgiving
this poem is done

into the wilderness

everything's calm now
the storm has passed
and we're all together
safe at last
the clouds are parting
the wind is slow
we're up and ready
and willing to go
into the wilderness
into the wilderness

just when you think
that troubles don't end
hope drives a u-turn
around the bend
sees you hitchhiking
picks you up
for now you're safe
and that's good enough
you go into the wilderness
into the wilderness

don't worry

I am always waiting
in anticipation
something could happen
must be my imagination
telling me exactly 
what I want to her
sending me a text message
whispering in my ear
saying don't worry
it's going to be all right
don't worry
you will make it through the night

I am always hoping
for whatever I can't have
life and all its suffering
is having the last laugh
laughing at me
laughing at my dreams
time is running out
and I don't know what it means
I say don't worry
it's going to be okay
don't worry
somehow you'll find a way

it's too hard

it's too hard
and I don't know what I can do
once again
I'm the victim of bad news
every day's a fuck-up
every question starts with why
I wake up every morning
afraid to be alive

it's too hard
I am pleading for my life
every day's another day
of trying to survive
every day's a fuck-up
something else to far
I wake up every morning
saying get me out of here

it's too hard
someone help me please
I don't know what I've done
to deserve this disease
every day's a fuck-up
with each step that I take
I'm on my knees and praying
dear Lord, give me a break

it's too hard
mistakes were made
I've exploded all my hopes and dreams
with a hand grenade
every day's a fuck-up
every question starts with why
I wake up every morning
afraid to be alive

december

I sit by the fire
with a cup of steaming coffee
while the snow falls softly
beyond the cabin door
the day has expired
the evening is upon us
there are those among us
who say there's something more
but this is fine
right here
peace is mine
joy is near
december is here again