Happy fuckin' birthday to me

This is so fuckin' stupid.

What's that, farmboy?

I am just too fuckin' sensitive and it fuckin' pisses me off.

What's up?

I realized today that my birthday is gone and over, and I didn't get a fuckin' present. So now I'm in self-pity mode. I swear, I wish holidays didn't have this present thing happening, 'cause it's just a way to get your feelings hurt. I mean, I don't even need anything. There's not even anything I particularly want. It's just...

Just what, farmboy?

It's just that other people, they get something for their birthdays, but, man, I just don't...you know, I'm single and I don't have kids and it's the recession and...I don't get to have things like that.

I hate birthdays. I'd rather not have them. They just seem like such a narcissistic waste of time. And what pisses me off is that it's supposed to be a good thing, but it really isn't, you know? I mean, I always get my feelings hurt and I don't know how to get around it.

(starts to cry) It's just so damn stupid, and my fuckin' mind starts thinking things like I'm a bad person, I don't deserve to have the things other people have, and then it magnifies all the other problems in my life, like my...well, poverty, like how I'm always having to worry about money. I need clothes badly and I can't afford them and...

And?

I just need to forget about this shit, man.

So here's what's gonna happen. I'm going to go to the grocery store, where I'm gonna buy bad food and then go home and smoke weed and stuff myself 'cause maybe that'll make me feel better.

Fuck.

I didn't even get a cake. I mean, I know that's not important. I know I'm not important...

Can you get your mind on something else?

That's what I need to do. This is so worthless. It's more my fuckin' mind than anything. I'm always going through this on holidays. Other people, well...I'm not other people. I've always wanted to be other people, but unfortunately I'm not. I'm fuckin' farmboy, and what happens to normal people doesn't apply to me.

You just got your feelings hurt, farmboy...

Yeah, and this will pass. So now comes the "The world is falling apart and there's people hungry and sick and homeless and you're hurt because of your fuckin' birthday?" So now I get to pour guilt all over the depression. Happy fuckin' birthday to me.

But it will pass in a few days and it'll get back to normal, but now I have to suffer my annual punishment for being alive. Fuck.

It will pass, farmboy...

Yeah, well, in the meantime I've got Halloween candy and potato chips and pizza and marijuana calling my name. Oh, it's just a wonderful thing to celebrate your birth!

Get me away from this. I don't want to destroy myself because of a fuckin' present. I am so fuckin' stupid.

I gotta go, man. I got a supermarket waiting for me.

Take care of yourself, farmboy. This really is a small thing.

I know. It's just this feeling that I don't fuckin' matter and that I'm guilty of...something...