Nothing I do matters

Fuck.

What's wrong, farmboy?

I've been turned down for this credit card I needed. Now I have to worry about how I'm gonna tell people that I can't afford to go to the surprise birthday party that I basically planned. It also means I don't know how I'm gonna pay my car registration or afford clothes that I desperately need. Fuck. It's always fuckin' money, man, people are always waiting at the door with their fuckin' hands wide open.

I can't borrow any money, I don't have enough credit for this shit and...I don't know. I mean, if nothing else, my friend will have a nice party and some people will be pissed off at me. But people are always pissed off at me anyway. It doesn't matter what the fuck I do.

So what's the worst that can happen?

Um...just what I said. People will be pissed off at me. I won't see my friend. Damn. Fuck.

Farmboy, I wish I could help...

I wish you could, too.

Damn, I just don't know. I'm so tired of racking my brain all the fuckin' time about money, 'cause, fuck, nothing I do matters. Man,I don't get it. I'm a good person. I work fuckin' special ed, for Chrissake. Man, I don't know.

And now I'm playing in a couple hours and...well, that's probably okay, 'cause maybe it'll get my mind off this money shit.

I know you hate getting asked this...

Which means you're gonna ask it anyway.

Will you be getting paid for tonight's gig?

Yeah, but not a whole lot. But it is getting paid, and it is money that I sorely need. I do hate being asked that, by the way. In some way, I usually get paid. But people always expect you to play for free, and people usually have no problem asking you what your financial situation with money is. People have no fuckin' boundaries any more. But that's another topic for another time.

You know, I can pay my rent, food, utilities, car insurance, renter's insurance...fuck! Damn! I don't want to worry any more. I don't want to be angry any more. But...you know...

I know it's hard, farmboy.

Yeah. damn it! I'm so fuckin' angry and tired and hungry and...I'm just so fuckin' frustrated. I'm sorry you have to hear all this stuff, man...

That's why I'm here. It'll all be okay. I know that's not a lot of help right now, but it's true.

I know. And thanks. That is true. I need to remember that.

I better go. I need to make up a set list. I have no idea of what I want to play.

Play what you feel like playing, farmboy.

Okay, now I have to figure out what I feel like playing. Which means I have to figure out what I feel. And right now I feel defeated, and I don't want to give that message to an audience, you know.

You'll get it, farmboy. The set list, I mean.

Yeah, I know.

You okay?

Yeah. (laughs) No worries.

I'm always here to talk to.

Thanks. I do appreciate that. And I just might do that if I feel I need to.

Good.

Have a good time performing, farmboy. Remember...

Remember what?

You were born to create music. And you get to do that tonight.

Yeah. That's true. I was born to create music. I forget sometimes.

Do you really?

(laughs) Well, no. I always know my purpose on this planet.