The responsible one

Rough day?

Oh, it's over with now. I mean, all of the fuckin' staff in the fuckin' classroom called in sick. And actually one, Queen Bitch, didn't even call in, so there was no fuckin' substitute for her, Fuckin' three day weekend wasn't enough for them. What the fuck? I mean, I made it in. Other people in the school made it in. But the whole staff of a classroom? Jesus. Why do I always have to be the responsible one? Fuck this shit.

So I practiced, I played today, but, fuck, I have hardly any energy between my job and this other thing that's going on, I'm so fuckin' tired. And all I ever do is complain to you, and that's not what you're here for...

I'm here to help you, farmboy. And if that means hearing about your job --

Uh, no. I don't want to discuss my fuckin' job. It's me that doesn't want to talk about that. Time is precious and I want to spend it talking about music, figuring that stuff out, figuring out how to make music my life and to improve my life with music, how to get it out there, how to get my songs heard by whoever.

Okay. But it's okay to talk about stuff...What's this other thing that's happening?

Oh, that...that's just this surprise party that I'm helping to plan. But, fuck, I end up doing all sorts of stuff. But it's for a friend of mine, a good friend, one of my very best friends, and doing this work will be worth it because I know that he'll be touched a lot by it. So that's worth all the work and hassles.

You know, it's just that I'm feeling under so much fuckin' pressure all the fuckin' time. Work pressure, big time financial pressure...Existential pressure. It's fucked. I'm fucked.

You're going to go to bed in a few hours, you know. Just rest up, farmboy. You've played music, you've worked, you deserve some peace. Do you need to take a clonazepam?

No. But I would like to smoke some weed. And I'm going to.

You know, I think that might be okay tonight.

You disapprove of it, don't you?

Let's not discuss that right now. Sometimes I think it would be good for you to not smoke as much as you do, but I'm definitely not against marijuana. And how much you smoke -- that's up to you.

But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about music. Your music.

Well, I'm playing in a couple weeks, and then a couple weeks after that,, and then a week later...

That's great!

What's really great is that I want to write. I want to write more songs and I want to record and I want to work and not be afraid of working because of money and not be distracted because of all these other hassles. I want to do music.

And you will. And you are.

And I am. But I need to convince myself that it's my first priority.

And that's happening, too, farmboy.

'Bout time.