Every little step

Hey, man, how you doin'?

I'm just fine, farmboy. How about yourself?

I'm hanging in there, man. I think I'm finishing up on the premiums for the Kickstarter adventure.

Sounds like you're making progress with it.

I hope so. I'm going to send my idea to them tomorrow to get it approved, and I'm going to see about getting the video started, which means that I contact a friend and see if he has any time available to help me.

It's so fuckin' hard. I hate asking people for help.

Pride can be a bitch sometimes.

I don't think I've ever hear you use the word "bitch" before.

I usually don't. It's sexist and disrespectful and I try never to use it to describe human beings. But pride...

It is a bitch. You're nothing if not accurate.

So, anyway, I'm hoping to get the Kickstarter stuff off the ground in a couple of weeks, I also gotta look for more gigs. I gotta find some way to make money for part of August and for September. I don't want to talk about how scared I am, 'cause I've already talked about that so much. But I'm scared.

Just do your part -- the looking, the working on your music and your CD -- and the rest will come.

What if it doesn't?

(sighs) You'll make it through. You always do. What I don't want you to do is sit around and worry and panic.

I hate panic. It's like this family thing. My brothers, my sister and me, we all panic. We all have this massive sense of responsibility.

Are you going to your family reunion?

I think I am. I would love to, I tell you what.

So you'll get to see them.

Yeah, we'll all get to panic together. (laughs) But, fuck, it will be so great to see everybody.

Sounds like you've got some good stuff going on, farmboy.

I hope so, man. I tell you, it's really my own laziness...well, maybe not as much laziness as fear. It's so fuckin' weird. I get discouraged so fuckin' easily and I let that discouragement control me.

So you've got to figure out a way to get over that. And you're doing well. You're seeing a counselor, you're taking your meds, you're eating healthy...

And it's never enough.

But it's something.

Every little step, and all that kinda thing.

It all counts.

Yeah. I just gotta do as much of it as I can.

You got it, farmboy.

Now it's just that pesky putting-things-into-action stuff.