Bad luck has moved in

Ho, ho, fuckin' ho. It's the holidays. It's Christmastime. Lights are up, my handmade fake tree is up, I'm fingerpicking holiday tunes on the guitar and trying not to be depressed. Especially, if I am depressed, I don't want to pass those feelings onto other people.

Are you depressed, farmboy?

When am I not depressed? But it's all going okay this year. It's all real subtle. I'm not going overboard, I'm not going to any parties. I'll go see my brother and his family on Christmas Day. Other than that, I'm fuckin' Mr. Popularity.

Is that bad? You hate parties.

I guess it's okay. I wish I wasn't so fuckin' isolated, that's all. I wish I had friends. It's especially lonely this time of year. I remember days when the holidays were really exciting, where it meant performing music for people and seeing friends and family. And it's not really like that. Most of my family lives in California, and friends these days are few and far between.

I'm your friend, farmboy.

Yes, and I'm very thankful for that. You're someone I can talk to. I can't talk to that many people. I talk to my therapist. I used to talk to my trainer, but I don't think he's interested now that I'm not his client, now that I'm not paying money.

It's my own fucking fault. I meet people and become what I think of being friends, but it never works. (Starts to cry)  

It's okay, farmboy, you'll be okay. You do have friends.

Then why am I alone all the fuckin' time? This is supposed to be a joyous time of year. It isn't though, not for me. I'm too alone. I'm too fuckin' alone, but that's not going to change. Bad luck has moved in and decided to stay. It's been like this for a really long time now. There is no good luck, there is no good news. 

I'm sorry you feel that way, farmboy.

Yeah, I'm sorry I feel that way too. I don't know what to fuckin' do. I'm depressed, I got money worries, I got no friends, I got no audience to listen to my songs. It's all just shit right now.

Merry Christmas to me.