Bursting at the seams

So it's another Monday, another beginning to another week. Man, I really hope this week is good. I'm so worried about money and employment on top of all the other worries. I need to get a job, not only for the money but also for the socialization of it. I need to get out of the fuckin' apartment and get some of my self-esteem back, the little that I had.

When was the last time you spoke to anybody, farmboy?

I had coffee with my friend Ken this morning. It was great, Ken's a good friend and he's a songwriter and musician, like me. It's no pressure. It's important to have friends like that, people who don't pressure you to be something you're not.

We talked a lot about places to play and possible venues, ideas of doing a regular writers-in-the-round show, like once a month. Which would be great. Performing terrifies me, but I miss it so much. I need to have an outlet where I'm playing these new songs in front of people.

That sounds promising. I think it would be really good for you if you started performing again.

Yeah, I do, too. I feel like I'm not contributing anything to this world, like all I'm doing is taking. I know my songs aren't contributing as much as, say, actively fighting climate change, but at least it's something, you know? 

It's funny. I feel like I'm just bursting at the seams with all the songs not being performed. I really do feel like I have something to offer people. I know it. If I could just get somebody to listen to me.

You've had listeners, farmboy, you can get listeners again.

Well, I'm glad you have confidence in me, man. It can get real discouraging sometimes, when you feel like you're putting in a lot of effort and work for nothing.It's been like that with my physical health, too. I've made all these changes to my diet and exercise and shit, but it doesn't seem to be doing much. But that's another subject for another time.

I don't think all your work is in vain, farmboy. I'm confident you'll find listeners and that you'll get to where you want to be physically.

From your lips to God's ear. I would absolutely love it if all of my work wasn't in vain. But I'm fearing that time is running out.

Don't be ridiculous, farmboy. You've got each day, one at a time. Live in the present with just an eye on the future. See what happens.

Yeah, I need to live more in the present. It's hard when you're worried about the future all the fuckin' time. I'll have to see what I can do about that.