I don't know if I can learn to fuckin' walk

Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do. 

Talk to me, farmboy. Tell me what's going on.

(farmboy starts crying)

I don't know if I can do it, man.

Do what, farmboy?

I don't know if I can learn to fuckin' walk. 

(farmboy's crying escalates)

My fuckin' fear is holding me back and I don't know if I can overcome it. It is so fuckin' powerful.

What are you feeling, farmboy?

I feel stupid. I feel weak. I feel like I'm, like, five years old.

There's this line in a song from this musical about Alexander Hamilton where this guy -- I think his name is something like Lin-Manuel Miranda -- he sings, like, "He (Aaron Burr?) thinks I'm stupid. I'm not stupid." I think you'd maybe have to hear it in context and hear the way he phrases it. Fuckin' brilliant, man. Anyway, I need to get to that point. I need to know I'm not stupid.

I don't think stupid has anything to do with it, farmboy. What scares you?

(farmboy starts crying again)

I can't get up from the fuckin' wheelchair to the walker, man. Because I'm so fuckin' afraid I'm going to fall and undo all the stuff the surgery fixed.

You know, farmboy, you're working with two very good therapists. You're at a facility where there's an excellent staff. You want to walk and you're willing to put in the work that it takes.

That's all very logical, man. Unfortunately for me, my brain's not all that logical. I know the only thing to fear is fear itself. I think some president said that, but I don't know who. I gotta figure some way out of this hole I'm in. I just gotta, man. I'm desperate here.

kilometers of kindness

(Thanks to Lin-Manuel Miranda)

man, I don't know 
what I'm gonna do
lyin' here in rehab 
while my legs refuse to move
so I'm using my head instead
dreamin' of the outside
from a hospital bed
where I lay every day
while the hours burn away
I ain't sayin' it's okay
but what can I say?
it is what it is
and I do what I do
strengthening my muscles
while my faith pulls me through
but it's a whole lot more
than the likes of me
watching the Gilmore girls on TV
see, I got friends and family
they're my guardian angels
and they're looking out for me
someday soon I'm gonna make it out of here
and I'll see everything crystal-clear
and I'll be in my comfy bed back home
no longer living in the twilight zone
but I'll remember that I'm not alone
with the kilometers of kindness I have known
the kilometers of kindness I have known