And I know nothing about Zen

Hey farmboy, can I ask you something?

Sure, man. Shoot away.

I've noticed that I haven't been hearing from you as much as I usually do. Is there something wrong?

Not with you. With me. I'm stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and it's because of the recording. And I seem to be stuck there. Damn, man. It's such a fuckin' motherfucker, man, and I don't know how I'm gonna fix it.

I mean, I don't ask for much, you know? I just want to be the best songwriter in the world. That's all. That's not too much, verdad?

No, not too much at all. You certainly put yourself under a lot of pressure with your music. I wonder how good that pressure is.

I'm beginning to wonder that, too. I wish I had someone I could trust to produce me or at least oversee the project. That would really help.

The thing is, I don't want to abdicate responsibilities, especially when it comes down to my own music. Whatever it is, it's mine. But I know it's limited and I also don't think I know enough. And I think I may even know what a big fuckin' part of my problem is.

What's that, farmboy?

I'm thinking too much. When I rehearse, I'm thinking too much. I'm always thinking too much, man. You know, Paul Simon has two songs called "Think Too Much." Now, that's something, when you write two fuckin' songs called"Think Too Much."

It's funny. I try to not think so hard when I'm writing and I leave a lot of stuff up to instinct.

And that seems to work for you.

I think so. I fuckin' hope so.

So maybe it comes down to some kind of relaxing. Maybe it's one of those Zen things. And I know nothing about Zen.

You'll find out, farmboy.

Yeah. We'll see, won't we?

It ain't worth nuthin', man

Here I am. It's officially Spring break. Friday night. And I've devoted it to resting and not doing a fuckin' thing.

How's that working out, farmboy?

It's a little difficult because I'm anxious about the trip, about money, about driving. I've become so fuckin' afraid of everything. I'm scared of heights, I'm scared of bridges, I'm apprehensive about driving. Pisses me off. And what if my niece hates it? What if my brother gets mad or something? Who'll be my role model now that my role model is gone?

Uh...say again?

It's a reference to a Paul Simon song.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's all useless worrying. It ain't worth nuthin', man. It's just stupid anxiety. Worthless, that's what it is. I gotta pay it no mind.

That's right. Just ignore it. Don't let it have any power over you or whatever you do.

It's hard.

But it's not impossible, farmboy.

Oh, I know. And I'm gonna do it anyway.

Yes you will.

Fuckin' right, man.

Wishing it would snow

I never said I was anything much

and I always tell the truth

See, look, I'm trying to write, but nothing feels natural at all. I mean, the melody and rhythm in my head feels natural, but, man the lyrics are just so fuckin' hard. And, you know, I don't really even believe the words I'm writing...I mean I do, but...maybe, as Paul Simon once wrote, I think too much.

Maybe so, farmboy. Quick, give me a line or two! Don't think...

I am a lineman for the coun-teeee...

Very funny.

I am looking out the window

at the kids across the street

who are staring at the sky

and wishing it would snow

See? Was that so hard?

Yeah, but we'll see if it actually goes somewhere.

Just writing is good. You know that, farmboy.

I suppose I do, yeah.