waiting for snow

I am waiting for snow

I've got my camera out

I'm into the spirit

that's what it's all about

I've got a pot of hot coffee

a bowlful of weed

Louis Armstrong on You Tube

what else do I need?

all the presents are wrapped

and ready to go

all we need now

is a yard's worth of snow

it's sleeting right now

and I don't mean to complain

but I'd rather have snow

than freezing rain

inside, it is warm

thermal underwear on

and a sidewalk where I

can walk upon

in the morning I'll wake

everything will be white

Merry Christmas to all

and tio all a good night

Fear of the unknown

Farmboy, what was going on the other night? I've been concerned ever since we talked that night.


Yeah, well, man, I'm so fuckin' sorry about that. I don't like when I involve people in my problems, in this mental illness shit.


You don't need to apologize, farmboy. I was just concerned, is all.


I was panicking and I was angry and frustrated and fuckin' scared, man. I was all fuckin' messed up. And I should just maybe accept that sometimes that's gonna happen. Plus I was dealing with technology, computer stuff, and I was miserably frustrated because I have problems with that kind of thing. I don't know why.


But I gotta tell you, I've been succeeding lately at technology...well, the last couple days, anyway. I hooked up the printer and it works! And I uploaded my first video-thingy on YouTube. I mean, it's just a picture of yours truly -- the main thing is the audio, which is one of my songs.


That's great, farmboy! I'm proud of you.


Thanks, man. I gotta do this stuff. I gotta get moving. I gotta -- what's that word? -- challenge myself. And today's challenge was YouTube. And I gotta remember to give myself credit for at least trying, for at least making an action.


Thing is, man, I want to make actions. Even if I'm scared, fuck, man, there's life out there, and I'm so afraid of not experiencing it because of fear of the unknown, you know?


You're experiencing a lot of that lately.


I know, man. But I gotta learn to deal with it. I gotta, man. I gotta succeed this time.

Short and sweet

Man, this is so fuckin' rough. I have to write this bio thing to try to get gigs at rest homes and day-care places. Kids and seniors. Anyway, it's just been hard writing this thing. Can I bounce some ideas off you?


Sure, farmboy. I'd love to hear whatever you've got. I'm glad to see you've been working.


That's tough, too. Tough to get disciplined, hard to get past the guilt and shame. But we can go over that at another time...


Yes, I think it's better if you tackle the bio today.  Just concentrate on that for right now. It's a concrete action. Not that there's not a time for planning and thinking and daydreaming, it's just that I want you to feel like you've accomplished something when you go to bed tonight.


Okay, man, here's the first paragraph:


With fingers on strings and joy in his voice, farmboy has been entertaining people for over ___ years. He utilizes his skills on guitar, banjo, and piano to accompany himself performing American folk music. The songs he sings -- from such writers as Woody Guthrie and Stephen Foster, as well as traditional songs -- lend themselves to group participation and singing along. Everybody is apt to have a good time when farmboy performs.


How does that sound? Is it too flowery?


What I would suggest, farmboy, is that you write whatever comes to mind and then edit and rewrite later. 


Kinda like how I write songs?


Exactly, farmboy.


Okay. Here goes nothing.


farmboy's music has taken him to such diverse venues as senior centers and daycare facilities, churches and festivals, radio and television programs, coffeehouse and county fairs. He has opened concerts for musicians like Ricky Skaggs, Lucinda Williams, and Portland's own Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer. He currently works for Portland Public Schools in special education, where he plays music for his students, among other duties.


His musical accomplishments since moving to the Pacific Northwest include winning first place in the songwriting competition at Artichoke Community Music's folk music festival in Portland, Oregon in June 2007. farmboy has released four CDs of original material and is currently recording a fifth recording.


Wow, farmboy! I had no idea you had four CDs.


I have a lot of songs, man. That's what I do.


So how does that sound? I'm figuring that I'll put a photo of myself playing guitar on the bio, and contact information at the end. I also need to get some music on You Tube at some point. 


So that's it, man. I'm keeping it short and sweet. Just one page, that's all I want.


I think you have it, farmboy, but I'd read it over again tomorrow and see what you want to change. I like the way it's worded; it doesn't limit you to just playing one kind of place.


Thanks, man. Thanks for listening and thanks for your input. So tomorrow I'll firm this up and make a master copy that I can use. And I'll look into my method of getting them to places, which I think may be driving to places with my ukulele in case they want a sample.


How do you feel?


Like I haven't done anything. Like I'm a fuckin' lazy slob that can't do anything right.


You're wrong, farmboy.


Man, I hope so. I'm so fuckin' tired of being a failure.


Stop that, farmboy. No putting yourself down.


I know, man. It's hard...


But not impossible.


No, sir.

This is a very good thing

Hey, farmboy, you're going back to work soon, aren't you?

Yes, but let's not talk about my fuckin' job yet, okay?

Sure. Whatever you say. What do you want to talk about?

My Kickstarter project got accepted, man. I'm hoping I can finalize everything by the beginning of September.

This is a good thing.

This is a very good thing.

Now I just need to decide how much my financial goal will be. I was gonna go for 3000 dollars, but I'm considering raising that another thousand and using a producer.

Who would you use, farmboy?

That's the thing. I don't know.

So you'll have to do some research.

Looks like it. That could be a lot of fun, you know, seeing who produced who and listening to songs on You Tube. Talking to people. Stuff like that.

That's all good news, farmboy. A new recording!

Yeah. Maybe I'll hand out "It's a CD!" cigars at the release concert, man.