Bad influence

It's bee-oo-tee-ful outside.

You sound in a good mood.

Actually, I been feelin' kinda lonely today. And I never get lonely.

Or at least you won't admit to it.

Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Oh, nothing. Go on, farmboy.

It's a blue sky. It's, like, 80 degrees. It's, like, people are out being social and athletic and drinking alcoholic beverages and eating nectarines and cherries and watermelon.

It's summer.

Four more days of work. Two days with students, two days working for next year. Then I perform Thursday and I perform Friday, and I go to a songwriters' get-together on Sunday. And the week after that I play a folk music festival. I should be worrying about money, and I am, but not to the extent I usually do. I have to decide whether or not I'm going to go to California and play some places and see family and go to my family reunion.

And now I'm feeling stressed because it's nice outside and summer's coming and I haven't made some plans and it's coming fast and...

And that's what you do. You stress out. Well, don't. Go get some nice alcoholic beverage and relax.

Funny you should say that, 'cause I bought beer and I hardly ever buy beer. I may not even like it. But I have it. It's not cold yet though.

But maybe I'll have some beer. It's not as much fun without fuckin' cigarettes to smoke and since I don't smoke any more...Well, I'll just have to have some beer without tobacco. We'll see. I'm actually not real big on alcohol. I'm a marijuana guy myself.

Do you ever do both?

You're being a bad influence!

You could use some bad influence sometimes. Always worrying, always questioning, always fretting about something. Go on vacation tonight. You don't have to drink, but I want you to settle down and stop worrying, farmboy.

What's for dinner tonight?

Supper's gonna be hot dogs. Turkey hot dogs. I bought a watermelon, I have beer, I have sparkling water...

It is summer!

Well, according to my refrigerator it is.

I think I'm going to go outside and read or play guitar for a while.

While the beer's getting cold?

There's that bad influence again. Should I go get a pack of fuckin' Marlboros to go with the beer?

No. I'm not that bad an influence. Just relax. No guilt, no worries...

Just beer and weed and hot dogs and the guitar.

I didn't mention the guitar.

You don't need to. There's always the guitar. That's a constant.

A constant what?

Just a constant.

Constant is an adjective. It's a modifier.

Okay, the guitar is a constant thing. Happy now?

See? I can be a good influence.

Thanks for the bad influence, by the way. I do need a bad influence in my life. I just didn't think it would be you.

Glad to be of service.

Should I read or play guitar?

Play a song on guitar. Outside.

You got it.

Then you can read if you want. What are you reading?

This book about taking a road trip with David Foster Wallace.

Is it good?

Yeah, it is.

You've got a lot of stuff. A book, a guitar, beer, marijuana...

I got rhythm. Who could ask for anything more?

You could ask for an end to loneliness.

I got everything but the girl. I could really, really dig falling in love over the summer and having some of that summertime sex.

Whoa! Farmboy talking about sex?

I'm kinda horny, I'll admit. But, fuck, I'd love to fall in love. I hope it's not too late.

It's never too late.

Yeah, but I'm so fuckin' neurotic. Seriously.

Don't think about stuff like being neurotic!

Okay. How about erotic then?

That'll work.

There you go, being a bad influence again.

And I need that. Thanks, amigo.

Now, let me see if that beer is cold yet...

Johnny Cash

What are you listening to?

Johnny Cash.

At work today I helped take students to the mall and there was this one store that was closing so they had everything in the store on sale. So I ended up buying a used copy of Johnny Cash's final album for about five bucks. Let's see...it's called...(farmboy takes out the CD cover and looks for the title)..."Ain't No Grave."

Sounds great.

Yeah. You know, we're -- I guess I'm talking about Americans, but I wouldn't be surprised if some other countries are like this -- we tend to not listen to older singers. It's so fucked up. We, as a society, we can't wait to see the new 11-year-old genius on YouTube, but we'll ignore these other singers who have all that life experience.

I mean, listen to Johnny Cash. This is his final fuckin' album, and listen to all that emotion in his voice. It's almost overwhelming to me. I regret that I never recorded my father singing, and I actually think that Johnny Cash is the closest I'm going to get.

Wow.

Yeah, and the interesting thing to me is that I only really know Johnny Cash from recordings, yet his singing is so intimate (I don't know if that's really the right word) and you really feel like you know him. You know him so well from his singing! It's extraordinary.

You know, I realize that my life is markedly different because of Johnny Cash, because I would hear my father play that style, you know, that boom-chicka-boom style, the style I would eventually think of as coming from the Carter Family...

...Who Johnny Cash ended up being a part of, marrying June Carter Cash.

And God bless her.

That style I got from my father playing Johnny Cash songs. My father had started playing guitar again when I was, like, fourteen. He had learned how to play the guitar from an American Indian man...Native American. My father didn't know the names of chords and stuff. Anyway, I would hear him trying to teach my brother and I, of course, stole it and was heavily influenced by it.

Did your father teach you?

Not directly. My younger brother was supposed to be the family guitarist. My older brother was supposed to play the pedal steel guitar.

And you?

(laughs) I was supposed to be a fuckin' accountant! Can you believe that?

But I wasn't particularly hurt, because by that time I was pretty much on my musical way. I was a pretty ornery guy.

Were?

Fuckin' motherfuckin' sonovafuckin'bitch! (laughs) That's one of my best features, man.

I'm not arguing, farmboy.

I trust my fuckin' instincts. At least artistically. What can I say?

Hey, the CD is over. I'm gonna get some supper. Want some?

I would, but I have to go somewhere after this.

You ain't missin' much, amigo. Just leftover chicken vegetable soup that I made yesterday.

Boy, but I gotta tell you, I've had a great time discussing Johnny Cash. He's the man, man.

He's the best.

Abso-fuckin'-lutely, pal.

I learned I have to write like me

Oh man, I'm so...

Tired?

Uh, yeah, that too, but that wasn't what I was gonna say.

So what were you going to say?

Guilty. I feel guilty.

(joking) What did you do now, farmboy?

Hey, don't make fun of me. I ain't done nothin' to deserve that.

Sorry. So...what did or didn't you do now, farmboy?

I came home from work and did all sorts of what I call responsibility-type stuff. and I didn't play guitar.

So? Take a day off. It won't kill you, and you're the only one you have to answer to.

I know. That's the fuckin' problem.

How about you play guitar then?

I don't have the energy to do my usual practice session. I'm going to lose all the skill I have. And if I don't practice, that means I obviously don't take the music or myself seriously. And that means...

Farmboy!

Uh, what?

Stop it! Just go get your guitar. Go get it and play one song. Go ahead. I'll wait.

(Farmboy gets his guitar and plays one song.)

Okay, I played a song.

How did it feel?

All right, I guess. I felt kinda removed from it, which can happen when I'm super tired. But It was okay. I picked a song that I'm just now figuring out how to play, so that was good, 'cause I'm interested in it.

What song did you play?

"Tears of a Clown" by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.

I love that song.

Oh, it's a great fuckin' song. Dig this:

If there's a smile on my face

It's only there trying to fool the public

But when it comes down to fooling you

My honey, that's quite a different subject

Now don't let my false expressions

Give you the wrong impression...

Just fuckin' brilliant, y'know. Bob Dylan once called Smokey Robinson his favorite poet.

I can see why.

And that's not even taking the music into consideration. That's just the lyrics! Man!

Would you like to write like Smokey Robinson. farmboy?

I'd like to write farmboy songs as good as Smokey Robinson writes his songs.

That's a great way to put it.

I saw John Prine years ago and I got all depressed 'cause he was just so fuckin' good.

He's great.

Fuckin' A, man, Prine's a fuckin' genius. As is Smokey. They're both themselves.

Original.

Completely. Anyway, that concert with Prine was where I learned I have to write like me.

And you have, farmboy.

That's what I strive for.

Listen, thank you for taking me seriously. That really helps.

My pleasure, farmboy. Will you be playing more guitar tonight?

Yeah, I'm sure I will.

Have fun with it.

But don't do it just because of guilt. One song at a time.

One song at a time. That's all you can do, y'know?

You're, like, my older friend

Hey, welcome back.

I didn't go anywhere.

I meant I just didn't hear from you for a couple of days. Are you okay, farmboy?

Oh,yeah. I'm fine. I just...time just got away from me this past weekend. Plus nothing really happened. I went to my brother's house and washed my clothes. (laughs) My life is so fuckin' exciting.

So you don't like this current lack of excitement?

Actually, I went through such a hard, depressing time earlier this year -- remember? -- that it's just fine to me. I've got too much music work to do to deal with any drama in my life right now. Right now the music stuff is easily the most important thing I got going.

I'm actually feeling good about my current lack of excitement. I worry about boring you, but the stuff that happened earlier this year really took a whole fuckin' lot out of me.

I remember. Don't ever worry about boring me.

See, the thing is, I've had therapy,you know, I've seen psychiatrists and psychologist and licenced social workers and counselors and what usually ends up happening is that I end up boring myself and I don't know what to say. I still don't get the point of therapy, which is not to say I don't get anything from it. I do. I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with things. But I'm still not sure exactly what therapy is.

And yet you've...

Benefited from seeing these people? Yeah. I wonder if I've seen too many movies and TV shows about therapy, if that's influenced me too much. I mean, that's where I've probably seen the most of therapy, you know? That's what we all learn from, but that's entertainment. I'm not sure that's meant to be true.

It's good that you know that, that you're aware of that.

And you remember I'm not a therapist, right?

I'm not sure what the fuck you are. It's come to the point that I think of you as a friend, as -- I hope you don't take this in a bad way -- but you're, like, my older friend, the one who has experience and is helping me through my life.

I'll accept that.

Good. I do appreciate you, you know? I don't say it much.

You say it plenty, farmboy.

If that's true, I'm glad I do. 'Cause it's true, man.

That seed of inspiration

I want to write a new song. So I'm going to have to keep my curiosity and my intuition on the prowl this weekend, or whenever I get the idea or that seed of inspiration or whatever the fuck I need to start writing a song. One thing I've learned is you can't really force there things, but it's just a fuckin' good thing to just write.

Anything?

Anything. Just writing is a good thing, even it's it's just a little while. Gotta keep those muscles movin', workin', y'know?

You've actually been writing quite a bit lately.

It feels so fuckin' good to have new songs. I'm far enough on the other songs I've been working on to be able to take on a new song. (laughs) It seems so fuckin' weird to me that I'm doing all this talking about songwriting like it's a business or a science or whatever.

Because, when it comes down to it, it's all just a mystery to me. Which, incidentally, I kinda like, y'know?

Something that makes me very proud of you, farmboy, is to see how hard you're working. I see you coming home from work when you're bone-tired and get out your guitar and play and sing. You seem really committed to your music.

You're proud of me?

Yes, farmboy.

Cool.

I really want this music stuff to be like play to a kid, you know,like it's not really work. I want it to be fun. That's not asking too much, is it?

Depends. Are you willing to put in the work?

Fuckin' yeah.

Then it's not to much to ask.

I'm glad. 'Cause this songwriting stuff is not gonna ending anytime soon.

"Waterloo Sunset"

Oh man, I am so tired like you wouldn't believe.

Try me.

It happens a few weeks before the summer break starts. It just all catches up with you. Then I run errands and do business and then I go home and play the guitar and I...I feel like I can barely do it, you know? Because I'm so tired. But, you know, I have to play at least some guitar a day. At that point it's maintenance playing.

So I've been taking naps and yawning a lot and being more involved with songwriting and reading less. Which is a fuckin' shame, you know? It's good to always have a song going and it's good to always have a book you're reading. Even if it's just mindless entertainment, it's still reading.

You know, when you're feeling okay, everything always ends up as writing songs.

Oh yeah, that's the way to live! I am proud of myself that I do that unconsciously. Of course, I also realize that pride is one of the seven deadly sins, right?

I wouldn't even think about that right now, farmboy. Taking pride in yourself is not something you do often. Or at least from what I've seen.

Uh, I was just trying to be funny.

Point taken.

Back to writing songs...I want to start a new one soon. I don't know what it's about or what the rhythm is or anything. I'm lookin' though.

Have you played guitar today, farmboy?

Yeah. I played my newest song and I played this great song by the Kinks called "Waterloo Sunset." Such a sad, beautiful song.

I remember that song. It's told from the point of view of someone who only observes life instead of living it.

Yeah. Maybe that's why I relate to it. (laughs)

But it's also beautiful music, a great melody and the vocals...Maybe I relate to it lyrically and musically.

Nothing wrong with that.

You fuckin' got that right.

Life is blessedly okay

Hey, man, I hope you don't mind if we don't talk too long.

That's okay. How are you, farmboy? Tired?

Tired and I'm waiting for the damned school year to end. But there's still, like, two and a half weeks more to go, so I can't check out yet.

And speaking about checking out, I'm just checking in, saying "Here I am, how are you, life is blessedly okay." I don't take it for granted.

You doin' okay?

Yeah. A little tired, perhaps, but generally good.

Glad to hear it.

You want to go to sleep, farmboy? You sound really tired.

Oh, man, I'm just fuckin' exhausted. I'm sorry.

No reason to be. Good night, farmboy.

Good night, pal.