Let yourself get yourself free

Hey, man. Just thought I'd say hi.

Good to hear from you. What's new?

Been working on the CD.

Really?

Yeah. Surprise to me. I was practicing and I realized that I really like my own songs. (laughs) So it was just doing and sequencing and stuff like that. And it's gonna take a lot more, um, investigating and exploring...

Which is not necessarily a bad thing...

No, no, not at all. It's a very good thing.

How did it feel?

Good, it felt good. I'm just really thankful that it happened naturally,you know? That I wasn't so fuckin' conscious of it, you know, that I didn't force it.

That's really important that you feel that way, farmboy. Let yourself get yourself free.

Uh..what exactly does that mean?

Um, farmboy, I gotta confess...

(confused) Yes...?

I smoked pot, farmboy...

You're stoned?

Uh...

(claps hands) Oh, man! This is too much! This is so cool! I'm so fuckin' proud of you, man!

I only have one question for you, farmboy.

Yes?

Do you have any Cheetos?

Everything is conspiring to piss me off

Oh, man. I have been so fuckin' stressed, it ain't even funny. But I'm calmed down a bit now. Fuck. I hate how I get.

What's up, farmboy? What's got you all worked up?

Little things, mainly, and that's what I have to remember. There's this big folk festival in town and I'm not involved in any way and that pisses me off. I'm just not enough of a fuckin' hipster to be a folksinger, I guess.

That sucks. But, look, you're a songwriter not a folksinger.

I mainly mean folk is my style. I think to most people, folk mainly means you play acoustically. And that's really where most of my roots lie.

And, of course, there's money problems and creative problems...

Writer's block?

I'm not sure I believe in writer's block. It;s just been kinda difficult. It's frustrating, but I just have to not give it any more power than it already has. Because I will write. I know this. And, in a way, it'll save my life like it always has before.

What else is hard, farmboy?

Little things, like I said. I'm at my brother's house. His printer's out of ink. My printer just fuckin' sucks, it's one of those Epsom printers that's cheap and flimsy. I just fuckin' put ink in it, but does it work? Fuck no. And I have this form that I'm tryin' to print out for this grant thing.

And I've been trying to get directions to this gig, and it's in this hard-to-reach location, of course.

Everything is conspiring to piss me off. But, like I say, I'm calmed down quite a bit. The fuckin' heat wave is finally over, and I have nothing planned for tomorrow, no gigs, no business, nothing. I'm thinking about ordering some take out Thai food and smokin' weed tonight and playing guitar and maybe do some writing. We'll see. I'll have to figure out if I can justify getting some Thai food.

What would you order?

Pad See Eu. With beef. I had no meat yesterday, so I can afford to eat beef, nutritionally speaking.

Sounds good.

It's my favorite food. Well, that and avocados and oranges.

Pretty healthy...

Well, there's also potato chips and macaroni and cheese and buttermilk donuts and French fries and anything with chocolate...

You're making me hungry.

But that's all after the gig tonight. The Thai food, that is. Not the rest of it.

Hey, this is off the subject, but I wanted to apologize for nor calling sooner. I've been at my brother's house to escape the heat, and that was good.

No problem. I figured as such.

Thanks.

Have fun tonight, farmboy.

Oh, I will. I haven't smoked weed for a little while, and it'll be good to get home.

Have fun at the gig.

I will.

I glad you're calmed down.

Dude. You and me both, pal.

Tomorrow is a day among humans

Hey, it's me.

Hey, what's up?

Just tryin' to keep cool, man. 99 degrees today, so I'm doing all I can. Wasn't too bad last night. Today really hasn't been so bad. I think part of the trick is to keep moving. The hardest thing for me to do in the heat is sleep, 'cause you just lay there and sweat. Like a fuckin' beached whale.

Do beached whales sweat?

Good question. Work on that, will you?

I thought you were going to stay at your brother's house, farmboy.

I was going to, but I changed my mind. Tomorrow night for sure.

So today hasn't been a bad day. I've been spending way too much time on the internet. I've discovered this website called Reddit, which is kinda like , you know, message boards on everything. You can waste the whole day on Reddit.

Do you enjoy it?

Yeah. But it's like there's more to life than just looking at the internet. It's good for me to get out tomorrow and see my brother and his wife and my niece.

Being that this is your "summer of being human" and all...

Tomorrow is a day among humans.

Good for you, farmboy.

Thanks.

I like how you're not giving up on this summer. I like how you haven't gone terribly deeply into depression or sadness...

Or self pity...

Now if I could just write one good song for this summer...

You've got a little over two weeks.

And I intend to use it.

I'm a pretty blessed guy, y'know?

Hot enough for you? Summer's here with a vengeance. Or close to it; 95 degrees is hot enough for me.

I suppose it's time for it; it's been an incredibly mild summer. And, I know, there's not much hot weather here compared to Austin, Texas, where I lived for 11 years. But, on the other hand, every place in Austin has air-conditioning, including the apartments I lived in. But I only have one window where I could conceivably put a window unit, and I love sleeping with the window open during the summer

.

It was 100 degrees a few weeks ago...

Yeah, but fortunately I was housesitting...

That's right, I remember now. A dog, a piano, and air conditioning.

Fuckin' A, y'know. It was great living in air conditioning for a few days.

So I'm thinking about going to my brother's house for a few days. I can sleep in the basement -- it's cooler there. My niece would enjoy it; she's been wondering when I can do a sleepover at their house.

She likes to wake me up in the morning. Maybe we can go to the movies. Some place with air conditioning.

What would you do at your brother's place?

Probably spend a lot of time outside. I need to remember to bring my guitar and my book and my trusty iPod. I've got to download some podcasts and maybe some music.

Listen to me complain...I'm a pretty blessed guy, y'know? It's hot, but I've got family and a book and a guitar and music and shit. So I guess I'm going to go there.

Unless the weather changes and it suddenly becomes cooler.

And I sure as fuck ain't betting on that.

I should just write the song

I gotta write a song. I haven't written one for a little while...I mean, I've been working on one but I think it's close to finished. I need a new song. My self-worth depends on it.

Yeah? Well, have you written today?

Well, as a matter of fact Mr. Smarty Pants, I have. I got one verse to a new song and I sweated blood for it, I tell ya.

Do you like it?

I sorta like it. It's too early to tell.

Can you tell me what it's about?

It's about the property where my family reunion was held.

Oh, right. Hom-something. Like hominy or homogenized...

Jamul. That's in eastern San Diego county. It's Spanish; the J is pronounced like an H.

I'm thinking I should just write the song. If I like it enough, I'll send it to my cousin Patti. If I like it more, I'll perform it. But, you know, it's too soon for any of that. I need to write the song first. I need to stay on task. I need to focus.

Have you been playing?

I've played a couple of times today. Went over the newer stuff. It felt good, which is fuckin' great. It feels good to work sometimes, you know? And it hasn't felt all that good lately. I feel like I got off track due to going to California, but that excuse is getting old. It's already old.

Reading?

Oh, yeah! I started the latest novel by John Irving while I was in Cali and I really like it. It's called Last Night in Twisted River. I'm, like, 220 pages into it. His writing is so fuckin' comfortable to me.

I'm totally enjoying it, dude.

Music?

Bought the new Arcade Fire CD at Best Buy for $7.99. It's really great. I need to listen too it more, let the songs sink in my brain and heart. I need to internalize them.

What about you, man? What are you up to?

I've been resting this summer. I don't want to be busy. I'll leave the travelling and the performing and the writing to you, farmboy.

You're missing out, man. When stuff goes right, life can be okay.

Summer's running out

Hey.

Howdy stranger.

I said I was sorry, okay? Give me a fuckin' break.

What's up, farmboy? What's really bothering you?

(shakes head) I'm sorry, man. I'm just a little tense. I didn't mean to take it out on you.

Tell me what's going on, farmboy.

Oh, I'm just feeling stressed about money and playing for the kids at the hospital and summer's running out. It's fuckin' speeding by. (laughs) Pisses me off!

It's been a good summer, hasn't it?

A whole lot better than last summer, I'll tell you that. I also haven't been so isolated this summer. I keep telling myself that "this is my summer of being human." I've been more social than usual, but I've also had alone time, you know. I need a good amount of solitude.

I hadn't noticed...

Fuckin' asshole! (laughs) Anyway, it's been pretty nicely balanced, this summer. I just hope I can make enough money...

Wait! Don't go there yet. Stay in this second of time. Don't worry yet.

"Yet"...Does this mean that worrying is gonna come?

It will come and go. All things must pass...

Isn't that a George Harrison album?

You're right, you know. I need to just stop worrying and appreciate where I'm at.

You're still in summer, you know. Stay where you are until it leaves.

I'm tryin', man.

Sorta proud too

I'm back. Actually, I've been back...

I thought so!

Wait a second. Man, I just didn't want to say the same old shit, so I thought I'd wait 'til I had something to say. Then I just kinda waited too fuckin' long...

I'm sorry.

It's okay. How was the trip?

The stressful moments were nothing compared to the great moments. I loved seeing my family. The family reunion was the best. I've got to tell you more about it, there's a lot that went on.

It was good for me, and I did well. It was a great trip in this summer of being human...

Meaning...?

Meaning I'm taking more chances, I'm being around people, I am trying to be flexible and not to panic. I'm being social. I'm seeing friends.

Good work, farmboy. I'm proud of you.

Yeah, I'm sorta proud too.

Talk more this week?

You got it, pal.