Not used to being listened to

I'm tired and I gotta go to bed soon. But I wanted to let you know that I went out tonight...

A week night? You went out?

I went to see a friend of mine from California who played at the coffeehouse tonight. He did a great job.

But, you know, I just want credit for it. I just thought I should keep you informed, since that's...well, I don't know,man, I feel bad talking about myself all the time, you know? I feel so fuckin' self-involved. Which I am. Self-involved, that is.

Tough, farmboy. I'm the interviewer, you're the interviewee.

Interviewee? That's a weird fuckin' word.

Farmboy, I'm here to listen to you. You know that.

I know. But I feel bad talkin' about myself all the time.

That's natural because you're a nice guy. You're not used to being listened to. That's why I'm here.

Well, thanks, man.

Fuck, I'm tired. I gotta get ready for bed.

Good night, farmboy.

Thanks, man. Good night to you too.

Da bloooz!

Hey, man.

Hey, farmboy. Good to see you.

You, too. How you been?

I've been good, thank you. What are you listening to?

Da bloooz! I'm listening to early Taj Mahal.

I love that guy.

This is pretty new to me. I mean, I'm familiar with Taj Mahal, but not as much as I would like to be.

Now, to change the subject...

Yes?

Um, well, I don't know. I didn't have a fuckin' subject to change to. Or something like that. Shit, man, I'm really tired and I'm stoned and I don't know what to talk about.

But, really, I just wanted to say hi and see how're doing, man.

Thanks, farmboy! That's really good of you.

Yeah. I can be nice sometimes.

My big sadness

How are you feeling, farmboy? Last I remember, you were feeling a little poorly.

Much better, thanks for asking. I got some sleep, some good quality sleep, and some other physical stuff that I don't want or need to talk about.

Which makes me very curious, of course.

Of course. It's no big thing. I was constipated, now I'm not.

I'm not much into scatological stuff, you know, jokes and shit...

Literally...

Ha ha. Very funny. There's probably an opening on "Last Comic Standing" if you want.

One thing that concerns me big time is that I had real problems with my hands at a performance today. My fuckin' Carpel Tunnel stuff is getting worse. Fuck.

Hey, I bought salad and bananas today. I need to eat more vegetables and drink more water. I need to smoke less weed, but...we'll see. I fuckin' love weed.

I know.

Man, this conversation. I should be more entertaining.

Why, farmboy?

Because all this stuff I'm talkin' about is so fuckin' trivial. Has it come to this? I've gone from discussing Jonathan Franzen to bowel movements.

It's real life. Much of it is trivial.

Yeah, well, I don't have to talk about it all.

But we all do...

It's that pesky human being stuff, I tell you. We are social creatures. Which always fucks up everything.

Me, I'm always the outsider. I'm the reporter trying to be so fuckin' objective. I'm always removed. No wonder I smoke weed all the fuckin' time.

That's my big sadness in life, you know, is that I'm always removed from everyone. It's the only way I know to be. And, man, it's fuckin' killing me.

Man, I gotta move away from these thoughts, fuck. Oh man, I can't get that close. Shit. Fuck. I gotta get away...

You're okay, farmboy. You're fine. You're safe. You're just...Don't panic...

Breathe...

You okay, farmboy?

I'm okay. Let's move on.

I'm going to be proud for you

Man, I'm a fuckin' wreck today. I mean, I have no energy, I fucked up my shoulder and neck at work and the stress from my fuckin' work is now doing shit to my stomach. And, man, I am so fuckin' stupid. I've been eating bad food and hardly any fruit or vegetables. I need to drink more water. I haven't been sleeping well either, which is kinda strange for me.

So what are you going to do about this predicament?

I'm gonna take an anti-anxiety pill and try to have a good night's sleep, I'm performing tomorrow and I'd like to feel good, you know?

I finished that grant today, yo. The final performance. I played for a small group of kids and some adults. Pretty intimate and I got to pay each one of them a lot of attention. There was this one kid I had worked with when I moved out here from Texas. I love that.

Sounds great, farmboy. That grant -- that started off a little rocky as I recall, but you sure got the hang of it.

Yeah, it ended up being pretty fuckin' great.

I'm proud of you, farmboy.

Really?

Yes. You won't let yourself be proud, so I'm going to be proud for you.

Thanks. Man, you are so fuckin' cool.

About time you noticed.

(laughs) Whoops! I meant to say "asshole."

Everyday life

You know, same old story

Go to work

Go to sleep

Pray the Lord

Your soul to keep

Born to the blues

Bound for glory

Go to sleep

Go to work

Pray the Lord

That it don't hurt

More than it has to

This is my

Everyday life

This is my

Everyday life

You know

Same old shit

Same old job

Same old boss

Same old bargain

For the cost

Here

This won't hurt a bit

Same old fire

Same old ice

Pray that you don't sacrifice

More than you have to

This is my

Everyday life

This is my

Everyday life

But I ain't no hermit, either

Man, I had this practice session -- this rehearsal -- that just went so fuckin' great. It felt so good and it came completely out of nowhere. I mean, I didn't know it would go well when I started. I love it when that happens.

Good for you, farmboy. Glad to hear it.

Thanks, pal.

I'm really tired, or...something. I'm feeling kinda depressed over work, but there's no real reason to talk about it, especially when the music's going well. Gotta look at priorities, you know, and to me music and family and good friends are the priorities.

Which means, always means, that I need to encourage those things in my life. The social stuff can be kinda hard 'cause I'm really an introvert. I'm exhausted after a social event. You know that. right?

Right.

So I have to be careful to find the balance. And that's sorta hard 'cause my limits in social stuff seems to be so much less than other people's limits...

And that's okay, farmboy.

I know. But I ain't no hermit, either. Like I say, I have to find that balance.

But this is all stuff for another time. Tonight I'm tired and I worked all day. So I think I'm going to rest for a while and eat supper and go to bed. See, this is one of the things I hate about working --

you work all day and then you're tired and you don't get enough time to actually live your own life. Which really fuckin' sucks.

But you know what? I had a good rehearsal. And tonight I think that should be enough.

And it is, farmboy. You've worked hard. Get some rest. Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally.

Thanks. I will.

Good night, farmboy.

Good night, pal.

Pregnant behind the high school gym

Tell me stuff, farmboy.

Tell you stuff? What the fuck am I supposed to tell you?

Anything, farmboy. I haven't seen you in a couple days and I wondered what you've been up to. That's all.

Oh. Well, work still sucks and I really need to remove myself, emotionally speaking. But I don't want to talk about work...

Okay then, distance yourself. Music?

(smiles) Ah, music!

I play on Sunday as part as a going away celebration. Some friends of mine are moving to Guatemala. A half-hour set in front of a listening audience. So I've been working on that, practicing and figuring out what songs i want to play.

Nice.

Yeah, it's so fuckin' cool. I love doing stuff like that because it's a special performance. I mean, they're all special performances, but something like this, man, it's like an honor to play. I fuckin' love it.

That's great, farmboy.

I've been writing a lot, too, it's one of those times when ideas come real naturally. We'll see where it leads.

An adventure!

I could use a musical adventure. Man, I would fuckin' love it.

I've had them before, you know. There is nothing -- not one single thing -- that's better. No amount of money or power. Not that I've had any power or money but, hey, you know.

Well, this seems like a pretty positive time for you.

We'll see. I want to have fun with it, to play with it. I want to fall in love with it and get it pregnant behind the high school gym.

The high school gym?

(laughs) I guess I want to experience deep creativity. Not that I don't, believe me...I'm thankful for each song that gets written, each note that gets played. But I would love one of those magical periods where it's kinda sustained, like a sustained musical note, you know?

I hope you do. And I want to hear about it when you do.

Oh, you will. In great detail.