wish I was

wish I was younger

wish I was thin

wish I didn't hunger

for the way things were

way back when

wish I was smarter

wish I was wise

with I had more exciting alibis

wish I had absolute

belief in myself

wish I was

someone else

wish I had money

wish I was free

wish I had a honey

to sit upon my knee

wearing fishnet stockings

drinking sweet champagne

jive-talking

never complains

wish I was drunken

wish I was high

wish I was

some other guy

wish I was

some other guy

All of the fuckin' above, man

Hard fuckin' day, man. Pisses me off, 'cause I really want to talk about how long we've been talking for. How's that for an awkward sentence?

There will be plenty of opportunity to talk about our journey, and I also want to have the conversations when your mind isn't preoccupied.

So, farmboy, what's going on?

A bad day at work, but I don't want to talk about it because it's so temporary, you know? But there is something I want to tell you. It's not a big thing, but it pertains to what we talked about yesterday.

And what's that? Isolating yourself? Friendship?

All of the fuckin' above, man.

So I went to the coffeehouse after work just to say hi, really.

Excellent, farmboy! You're reaching out.

Yeah. It was good. I'm glad I did it, and I need to do more stuff like that.

I agree.

Well, that's it.

That's it?

Yeah. Gonna make some supper, play guitar, go to bed. So I can wake up, go to the fuckin' job, and play guitar.

Have you come up with anything new, musically or lyrically?

Title for a song: Wish I Was. Maybe I'll get to show you something for it. I hope so.

I look forward to it, farmboy.

Me too. I really want to write something. You don't know. But we'll see.

You're a lousy hermit, farmboy

Are you okay, farmboy? We were supposed to talk yesterday...

Fuck, man! I completely fuckin' forgot. I'm really sorry, man.

Oh, that's all right. I just wanted to make sure you're okay.

I'm okay. I've just been tired and I been feeling, uh...separate from other people. Like I'm not connecting with other human beings...

Other human beings?

Yeah. I been...isolated. And it's my own damn fault, you know? I'm too fuckin' tired to go out on a Friday night so I haven't seen my coffeehouse/musician folks in a couple of weeks. And since that's the only friends I have, really...I mean, either I've been seeing co-workers or my brother and his wife and daughter. And they're all good people, you know, but I need...

Friends?

Friends, yeah. (turns serious) I'm a lonely guy, you know?

I know, farmboy.

Fuck, man, I need friends. Fuck, man. Pisses me off.

You're a lousy hermit, farmboy.

Don't I know it.

But, look, aren't we supposed to be discussing the 300 times we've talked?

We can do that later this week. But it sounds like you feeling troubled and I want to help any way I can. Even if the only thing I can do is listen.

Listening is way important, man. It means you're not alone if somebody's listening to you, you know?

I know. I can listen any time you need to talk.

Thanks, man. You don't know how much I appreciate it.

But go see your music friends, okay. That's important.

Well, I'm playing at the coffeehouse Friday.

That's good. Are you practicing?

I'm always practicing.

Good.

Let's talk later this week. Let's talk about the 300 times we've talked.

You've got a deal, farmboy.

Looking forward to it, man.

A life of solitary confinement

300 times? That's astounding! It seems like yesterday that we met.

Remember? I don't think you liked me at first.

I didn't know you...

And you sure didn't trust me either.

I didn't know you. I didn't trust anybody. I still don't. But I trust you.

It took a long time. Remember farmboy?

Yeah. But I don't like looking back too much. It gives me the fuckin' willies. You know what nostalgia is? It's memory with the pain removed. I don't remember where I heard or read that, but I'm not big on nostalgia.

So you're saying you don't want to take a stroll down memory lane.

No. But I would like to say that I'm glad you persisted when I was so resistant towards you. You've made my life a lot better. It's good to have a friend.

I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you.

Thank you too, farmboy. I've enjoyed it.

You're not saying goodbye, are you?

No. Not for a long long time.

Good. 'Cause I've gotten kinda used to having you around, man. It's good to have somebody who listens to you, someone who takes you seriously, you know? It feels good. It's really great to not have to feel so fuckin' lonely all the time, so fuckin' isolated. I feel sometimes like at some point I was sentenced to a life of solitary confinement.

And you don't feel that around me, farmboy?

No. I feel as if you really want to understand me.

I do.

And I feel like you don't mind listening to me.

I like listening to you, farmboy.

I'm so glad, man. Thanks.

I like listening to you, too. I'd like you to talk more...

I will. But my primary purpose is to listen to you.

I know. I'm still not used to it.

It's a process, farmboy.

You sure you ain't a fuckin' shrink?

I'm not. I'm your friend.

Don't make me start crying, man. I'm serious. I don't take friends like you for granted.

Neither do I.

Ah, man...

Talk with you tomorrow?

I'll be there.

I don't want to take a fuckin' breath

Hey farmboy, I got some news for you...

It better be fuckin' good news, man, because today was so fuckin' frustrating that,, I swear, I just wanted to come home and cry.

Wait...What's up, farmboy? What happened? I haven't seen you this upset in a long time.

I know, man. My life had evened out a lot and...I don't know, maybe I'm holding things inside too much. I mean, it's just been a frustrating day, you know, not a day with absolute horrible miserable stuff. Just...ahh, forget it.

No. Tell me. Talk to me.

It's all just little stuff, stuff at work, the old money problems again, the country -- fuck, the world is in such a fuckin' mess and it's just getting worse and worse and everything is fuckin' hopeless, man. The economy, all these selfish fuckin' rich people...What is it with them? How much fuckin' money do they need? They fuck over the elderly, the sick, the poor, the disadvantaged, people with disabilities, all for their fuckin' profits...

Take a breath, farmboy.

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A FUCKIN' BREATH! (starts to cry) Everything is bad, and it's not letting up. All the time, every day, I see things that are upsetting and I say to myself "Don't think about it." And it's getting to the point where I can't think of anything.

Oh, man...

It's okay, farmboy. It'll be okay.

I'm sorry, man, I'm so fuckin' sorry. I'm always whining about something.

Stop apologizing, farmboy. I'm here to listen.

(wipes eyes with kleenex) What was the news, man?

Today is our 300th time that we've talked.

Seriously?

Seriously.

No shit.

No shit, farmboy. I would like to talk about it in more detail. How about I come by again this weekend.

Oh, man, I'd like that. We could celebrate.

And we will. This weekend, farmboy?

You got it, man.

Expert prognosis

My fuckin' mind, man, it's a sick old mind. My thinking is so fragmented that I don't know what to do. Pisses me off.

What do you mean by fragmented, farmboy?

It goes off in a bunch of different directions all the time. Half of them usually involve guilt that says to me "You should be doing all this better."

So, like, anyway, it's like I can't focus on anything completely, and I don't like that. I kinda just want to relax, you know? I've been working all day, I'm fuckin' tired.

So, man, what do you think? What's your expert prognosis?

Just ignore it, do something entertaining to relax your mind, and then go to sleep listening to some music that you enjoy that will put you at ease. That's what I think you should do. How's that, farmboy?

Sounds good to me. Maybe talk at you tomorrow,man?

See you then.

Later, pal.

Just like the fuckin' Boy Scouts

What are you up to, farmboy?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I just may have discovered the secret to...to the universe or something. Anyway, it's important. It's all in one word.

Plastics?

Plastics? What are you fuckin' talking about?

The Graduate.

Oh, I see. A movie reference, eh?

So don't keep me in suspense, farmboy. What's the secret?

I can't tell you.

Why?

It's a secret. (leans back, laughing)

No, seriously, I think the secret of things maybe be planning. I mean, also being prepared and shit. Just like the fuckin' Boy Scouts. But planning -- actual thinking out what you're gonna do and how you're going to do it -- that's something that feels right to me. I need to plan, man.

And so you will, farmboy.

And so I will.