password

tell me your password
I'll tell you mine
I'll even share my pin code
I'm putting my heart
on the line
for you

traffic

I am listening to the traffic
waiting to hear your car
hoping to see the headlights
like some distant falling star
I just want you to know
that I'm still here
listening to the traffic
in case you reappear

winter break haiku

bedtime: 3 a.m.
too much coffee, weed and sleep
I love winter break

new year's eve 2013

I used to party
I ruled the disco
when I was young
and on december 
thirty-first
when that midnight bell 
was rung
I kissed the ladies
drank some champagne
man, I was the cat's meow
but that was long ago
when I had places to go
well, I ain't like that now

          'cause now I'm older
          I like my quiet
          someone else can have 
          my three cheers
          seems to me
          that new year's eve
          means less and less each year

that fuckin' evil twin

today I am arguing
all day long
about the same old thing
to the nth degree
the sad fact is
the problem here
is that I'm arguing 
with me
I walk around all day
in this Q and A
knowing I
will only lose
the only one who wins
is that fuckin' evil twin
that's standing in my shoes

today the object
of my scorn
the recipient 
of my fury
is going to court
where I'll meet myself
defendant
judge
and jury
I ain't no crook
but he'll throw the book
as hard 
as I choose
I'm guilty as sin
says that fuckin' evil twin
that's standing in my shoes

Relaxing could be my middle name

So I finally put ink in my printer and started actually printing off some of the lyrics I've been writing these past few years. You know, stuff I've been wanting to work on, to rewrite and edit. It's interesting looking at this stuff. A lot of it has promise, I think.

I'm glad you're working on these songs, farmboy. I know you write a lot, but I don't see you going back and looking at what you've written.

I know, right? I've been meaning to do this for fuckin' forever. So at least I got one thing accomplished this winter break. Not that accomplishing anything is the reason for winter break.

That's true. It's a time to relax, to do those things that you'd like to do.

Oh, man, I've been writing and sleeping and watching Netflix and reading. Relaxing could be my middle name this break.

That's a funny middle name, farmboy.

You know what I mean, man.

Waves on the Pacific

Well, happy fuckin' new year, man!

You too, farmboy, happy new year. Where've you been?

I was social. I went to a New Year's Day music party. It was fun, and I did well being social. I've been isolating myself way, way too much.

I've noticed. I was going to ask you about that.

I guess there's been a certain amount of depression at times. But there have also been a few -- very few -- times where I've felt calm and at peace. And, you know me, I never feel calm and at peace. So I savor it a little. 

Why do you think you feel that way, farmboy? Calm, I mean.

There hasn't been the financial strain that I've been dealing with lately. Not that I'm doing well financially, mind you. I still have to watch every penny. But at least I'm not in a state of fuckin' panic every fuckin' minute.

I don't know the rest of it, though. Basically, I don't really try to analyze it much.

I don't blame you.

Man, I just want peace to wash up over me like waves on the Pacific. You know, not when they're these huge, scary, gigantic liquid monsters, but when it's like the end of the wave. You know? 

When it's a wave's final moment on shore?

Yeah. That's what I want peace to do. I want it to wash me clean.