old friend

just to hear your voice
just to see your face
makes me feel like I'm part of
the human race
and I can celebrate
'cause I don't feel isolated anymore
old friend
it's so good to see you
walking through the door

shirtless back

it feels like a miracle
this gentle wind 
upon my shirtless back
I am not meant
to take part in such joys
I am older 
I am fat
I am boring
I have no hair
but when I surrender
to the surprise of the breeze
I feel like I'm nineteen again
back when the world had promise
and I had promise, too

The best ride at the carnival

Hey, man. 

Hey, farmboy!  How did the recording go?

It went well, better than I expected. I performed well and I'm learning stuff. I actually tried communicating with my singing, and pulling back some.

You mean you're being subtle when you sing?

Trying to. Anyway, there are times when I feel totally motivated and excited about this album. Of course, there are other times when I'm just fuckin' scared. 

You're taking action, farmboy. You're taking risks.

Yeah, I suppose I am. It better fuckin' be worth it.

It is wonderful, however, that I get to feel such a…I don't know, man, just that when I get all excited and focused on this album…that feeling of creativity, ain't nothing like it, man. It's like entering another realm or something. It's thrilling, you know? It's the best ride at the carnival, man.

I can't wait to hear this CD.

Neither can I. You'll be the first to hear it, man.

Doing the heavy lifting

Tomorrow I go into the studio, man. Wish me luck.

Well, good luck, farmboy. Are you looking forward to it?

It'll be interesting, I can tell you that.

Why will it be interesting?

What I've basically been in the process of doing is trying to make music that feels natural, that sounds intimate, and I'm grabbing the reins of this runaway horse. I'm making it sound real natural, with the majority of songs being solo performances. There'll be a few backing musicians on some songs, but not many.

See, part of the problem, of course, is money, which is always part of the fuckin' problem. But the other part…fuck, you know, I feel that what I'm strongest at are writing these songs and arranging them for one voice and guitar. So, shit, why aren't I recording that? Plus I need to take some fuckin' chances, man. I need this to be an album that captures who I am with songs that I'm proud of…

Like your other albums?

This one's going one step further, with songs like "Snow" and "Love Exists," which are really personal. Other ones, too: "All That's Missing,""Imperfect Prayer."

Good. I'd like to see you be more personal.

Yeah, I'm hurting on this record. I mean, there are characters, like before, but I think I'm doing the heavy lifting on this one.

You know, the other problem that I have with creating a CD is that I tend to panic and react like it's a final exam that I'm cramming for.

Actually, farmboy. You do that with more than just recording. Every performance that you do…damn near everything you do, farmboy, you tend to treat like it's the final test your grade is based on.

And there's some good things about that, like I'm prepared and I know what I'm doing. That's always good. But what it mostly does is make me doubt myself and everything about me and it makes me feel like a failure even before I begin. And that's not good. I need to trust my instincts. Plus, that stress can't be good for the music.

I just don't think recording and making an album should be something I'm constantly punishing myself for. 

I don't think so either, farmboy.

So it has to stop. Now.

Jesus send me money

Jesus send me money
I'm in trouble again
you know, of all the gods
you're my favorite god
and I think of you as my friend

so fuckin' tired

I'm so fuckin' tired
I just want to lie down
but I can't
'cause there's so much work to do
I got lots of chores
that can't be ignored
and how to do them
I ain't got a clue

I'm so fuckin' tired
I want to go to bed
but I can't
'cause the sun is still shining
I'm screaming so loud
as I search every cloud
looking for my 
silver lining

          let me rest
          all I need
          is one good night's sleep
          I'll be better off in the morning 
          let me rest
          I will try
          to get a little shut-eye
          please excuse the heavy snoring

I'm so fuckin' tired
I need some slowing down
but I can't
'cause my schedule won't allow
I try and I try
and I ask myself why
but the fact is
I don't know how
I don't fuckin' know how

all these changes

all these changes
my mind does not know
how to process this data
of where the hell to go
I don't know
I don't know
don't ask me
I don't know

am I still sleeping?
just what am I allowed?
my mind's up there
somewhere in the clouds
but I don't know
I don't know
look out below
I don't know

I want all of you
to stay the same
I'm so fuckin' scared
nothing will change
man, I don't know
I don't know
give me some clue, friend
I don't know

old man sitting
on the porch
in a swing
playing guitar
like he's got a right to sing
I don't know
I don't know
don't you be jivin' me, see
I don't know
I just don't know