Follow-up visit

So it's been three weeks since I had surgery. Tomorrow morning I go back to the hospital to see the surgeon for a follow-up visit.

Are you nervous, farmboy?

I'm trying not to think about it much. But basically, no, I'm not really nervous. Well, maybe a little bit. But it's not ruling my life. I've been working hard and making progress and that's really all I can do.

I'm glad it's in the morning so I can get it out of the way. I hate waiting sometimes, especially with stuff like this. Waiting fuckin' sucks, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

I'm sure it will go well, farmboy.

Thanks, man. That's what I'm hoping.

I do not take for granted

all the love I've received in my life
I do not take for granted
I do not take for granted
the kindness in their eyes
every friend that I have in my life
I do not take for granted
it's all better than if I planned it
I'm so grateful I'm alive

remote control

pass the remote control
I need to see
what's on TV
save the drama
for your mama
tonight I want some comedy
I need to grin
I want to smile
it's been no fun for a long, long while
I need this for my own behalf
make me laugh

kilometers of kindness

(Thanks to Lin-Manuel Miranda)

man, I don't know 
what I'm gonna do
lyin' here in rehab 
while my legs refuse to move
so I'm using my head instead
dreamin' of the outside
from a hospital bed
where I lay every day
while the hours burn away
I ain't sayin' it's okay
but what can I say?
it is what it is
and I do what I do
strengthening my muscles
while my faith pulls me through
but it's a whole lot more
than the likes of me
watching the Gilmore girls on TV
see, I got friends and family
they're my guardian angels
and they're looking out for me
someday soon I'm gonna make it out of here
and I'll see everything crystal-clear
and I'll be in my comfy bed back home
no longer living in the twilight zone
but I'll remember that I'm not alone
with the kilometers of kindness I have known
the kilometers of kindness I have known

my hospital bed 3

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was Aladdin's carpet
and it flew through the night
to hear honky-tonk angels
with voices of silver
saying
it's going to be all right
it's going to be all right

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was a front porch with friends
bearing music and wine
placing fingers on strings
and singing softly
you're going to be just fine
you're going to be just fine

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
was a shiny and polished
'59 Chevrolet
my dad behind the wheel
and my mom beside him
saying
you're going to be okay
you're going to be okay

last night I dreamed
my hospital bed
transported me somewhere
that I never knew
and there was this feeling
(I don't know how to explain it)
saying
you're going to make it through
you're going to make it through
you're going to make it through
I'm taking care of you

this television

this television
holding the key to escape
free my worried mind

My old friend Clonazepam

This is the hardest thing, man.

What's that, farmboy?

This going to bed at night and trying to sleep. I feel every ache and pain in my body and it's all magnified. I fuckin' hate it, man. So what ends up happening is that I take my old friend Clonazepam and hope the anxiety subsides.

And does it?

Eventually. Sometimes I take these pain meds called Oxycodone that's pretty hardcore. And that helps with sleep as well as pain, but I hate that I have to be drugged in order to sleep.

But, you know, sometimes you do what you gotta do. I feel like I'm in some kind of self-help group: "One day at a time."