Stupid obsessive thought

Hey.

You sound dejected, farmboy. What's wrong?

I'm depressed, I'm confused, I'm anxious, and I don't know why. Ain't nothing serious enough. Pisses me off.

I hate to ask you this, but...

Yeah?

Do you need to take a anti-anxiety pill?

I don't think so, and I don't really have any problem in taking medication, as you know.

Do you want to talk about it? I'll listen...

No, I'm aware this is all about nothing. My mind does this, it goes from stupid obsessive thought to stupid obsessive though. It's no fuckin' good and I can't win. so I'm gonna try ignoring them.

So...are you okay? Do I have cause for worry?

Oh, man, I'll be fine. Some marijuana, some sleep,, I'll be fine.

You sure?

Yeah, really. Hey, if I'm gonna tell anybody anything it would be you.

Is it Irish?

I'm tired.

So go to bed, farmboy.

It's too early. It's, like, seven o'clock. Hey, why is it "o'clock?" Is it Irish?

Good question.

I'm full of good questions. Like, why is it cold on the tops of gigantic mountains? I mean, they're closer to the sun than deserts, you know? What gives? Who's in charge of this stuff?

You got me, farmboy.

Yeah, well, see? It's always been a fuckin' problem, you know, this questioning stuff. It's what I do. Hangs me up, you know?

But you've always been a curious guy.

I'm real curious. I want to know about animals, what they think in their way of thinking, We human beings think we're so smart, that we're so superior to everything else. I want to know: Does every creature think they are the chosen ones?

It wouldn't surprise me one bit.

Yeah, but we humans, we're so fuckin'...cocky about it all. We're so fuckin' intelligent. What about spiders? They make these webs that are like that fuckin' building in, where is it...Dubai? You know, the one with, like, 160 stories or something? Look, a spider makes that kind of thing, like, every day, you know?

This is all great stuff for discussion...

Or like Greenland and Iceland. Greenland has a lot more ice than Iceland, and I betcha Iceland has a lot more green than...

Greenland?

Yeah. I need to find out all this stuff. I'm always on Wikipedia because of it.

You know what I really like? Atlases. They're the best. I love the way maps look, with all those fjords and inlets and straits and stuff. I'm real good with geography. I ace in that category on Jeopardy!

I bet you do, farmboy.

Damn fuckin' right I do.

For somebody who's so tired, you sure have a lot of questions.

Yeah. Maybe I should go to bed.

No, that's not what I meant. It's good to ask questions.

Good thing. 'Cause otherwise I'd be fucked.

Trust me, questioning is a positive trait.

Are you sure of that? What if it isn't? What if curiosity really did kill the cat, huh? Did you ever think of that?

Of course it can be overdone. Good night, farmboy.

Hey, but wait, I got more stuff to ask you...

This overactive imagination

My Thanksgiving long weekend is over. I get to be up for a couple more hours then I have to go to bed so I can wake up and go to work. Tuesday is payday and I'm very thankful. In three weeks I'll have the winter break, and then...

Hey, farmboy, why don't you just live for right now? You know, have a good, relaxing night.

I know, I know. It is so fuckin' hard. I've always lived in the future. I'm very aware of that. That, and that I've lived an awful lot of my life in fantasy. I mean, I know it's fantasy. I've always had this overactive imagination and I'm good at imagining. Real good.

It's a defense mechanism, farmboy.

What do you mean?

You've had to live in the future. You've had to make plans for your escape.

Huh?

Oh, you'll see, farmboy, you'll see. This music you make, that's the major part of it.

Now I am totally fuckin' confused.

I'm being vague, I know.

I do understand about the escape thing, though.

You escape through your music. And through your musical ambitions.

It's served me well. But I still don't understand...

You will.

Now about living in the present...

I will do that. But I'm still confused.

And that's okay. It really is, farmboy.

I feel like you're a couple of steps in front of me...

Well, farmboy, I am.

So guide me a little bit here, would you?

I am.

Anyway, you don't really have to think about any of this stuff yet.

So why did you tell me?

I thought you knew that your imagination is a defense mechanism.

I never thought about it.

Do you want to think about it?

I don't know. I feel like I might be jinxing things if I analyze them too much. I'm good at musical intuition. I don't know if I want to fuck with that.

That's understandable.

Let's see, Maybe I will want to analyze this stuff. I don't know.

I'll let you know if I do.

Fair enough, farmboy. It's your choice.

Yeah. Gotta remember that.

Homework

Oh, man, I am so fuckin' tired of not being satisfied with who I am, it just pisses me off. What am I going to do? I've always felt this way. I'm not smart enough, I'm ugly, I'm awkward, I have wasted my whole fuckin' life. I am a complete loser.

Well, say what you will, farmboy, but I disagree. On all accounts. I think you're a success...

Yeah? What do you mean?

You have worked so hard on songwriting for most of your life. You weren't even aware of it.

Ever read Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers?

What about it?

That's you. You're an outlier. Read the book, you'll see.

I started it once and never finished it. Maybe I'll read it.

That's your homework then, to read the book.

Homework? What are you, man, a fuckin' teacher?

Well, farmboy, everyone is your teacher. So...oh, just read the book.

What do I get if I read it?

Knowledge, farmboy. But some other stuff, too. You have to read it to find out.

Okay. But I better enjoy it.

You will.

I better.

Ain't no time for cynicism

Hey, happy Thanksgiving, man!

Happy Thanksgiving, farmboy! So, what are you thankful for this year?

I'm thankful for it all, man. For family and friends, for food and shelter, for music and for my place in it, my creative place in it. I'm thankful for whatever health I have, both mental and physical. And spiritual. And I know that there are lots of other things to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving ain't no time for cynicism, you know?

I know.

I take Thanksgiving very seriously.

You take everything seriously, farmboy.

I know. It's this fuckin' problem that I have. But not today, man, today I'm just fuckin' thankful.

But...I'm being absolutely serious here...I'm really thankful for your friendship and help this year. Man, you are so fuckin' great, you and your listening. Thank you.

Well, thank you for your friendship, farmboy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

To wear a cowboy hat

Whatcha up to, farmboy?

That's pretty informal of you, man.

What's informal?

"Whatcha."

It's colloquial.

Whatever.

You went to play tonight. Was it fun?

It was good. I played an in-the-round put together by an old friend of mine from the Kerrville Folk Festival. Didn't sell anything, but I got to have a cheeseburger and coffee on the house. I was the only performer who wasn't wearing a hat, so the bartender came over and put his cowboy hat on me. Which I loved, because, you know, I don't let myself do things like wear cowboy hats. And it felt good to wear a cowboy hat. It's really fun, like being a kid, 'cept it was a whole different kind of kid than what I was.

But let's not get into that. So, yeah, I had fun.

What did you do?

I just hung around, played on the computer.

Was it fun?

Yes, actually, it was.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Going to your brother's?

Yeah. I'm making pumpkin pudding with my niece. I'm also making a cranberry-walnut desert. I like Thanksgiving. We should have a day for being thankful. Plus we haven't spoiled it with presents and cards and all that fuckin' commercial shit, you know? Plus it's good food. I like turkey and stuffing and gravy and stuff like that.

Green bean casserole?

No, never been too much for green bean casserole. You?

It's all right, I guess. Not one of my favorites.

I'll check in with you tomorrow, man. Happy Thanksgiving!

Same to you, farmboy.

See ya.

Two sorry people

Hey! farmboy! Where you been?

Oh, man, I'm sorry. I know it's been been a couple days.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Jeez. It's only been a couple days. Gimme a fuckin' break, man.

Sorry. Didn't mean to nag.

So...are you okay? You seem stressed lately.

When am I not stressed? I am okay, though. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bite your head off.

Boy, we're just two sorry people tonight, eh?

Yeah. Let's start over.

Okay.

You first.

I don't remember what I said.

"farmboy, where you at." Or something like that.

That's not so great. How about "farmboy, it's good to see you."

That'll work. Thanks.