These are interesting times

I've had a good couple of days, man. I spent the last couple nights out at the coffeehouse. I performed both nights. Last night was an in-the-round with two other songwriters, two good songwriters. I got to see friends and I've felt less isolated than usual because of it.

Good for you, farmboy, on two different counts: getting out to see friends and performing. How did the show go last night?

Pretty good. No major flub-ups, you know? I just wish I get get myself more under control or something. I find performing just fuckin' nerve-wracking. All my insecurities come out. (laughs) Just like recording.

These are challenging times for you, farmboy?

These are interesting times, and not necessarily in a bad way. It's just a time where there has to be a little emotional, um...unravelling. So you can put it back together the way you want. In recording I have a lot of self-criticism...

I think you have plenty of self-criticism in your own life already, farmboy.

Yeah, I do. It's just that some of this musical self-criticism is necessary. I just need to remember that it's just a stop on the way, not the whole journey.

I could get fuckin' philosophical here, but I won't. Spring break is almost over and I don't have the time to do that. I just want to sit around and watch Trailer Park Boys and get stoned.

You just want to relax.

Yeah. I just want to take it easy, man.

You got it. Have yourself a good night.

I will. You too, man.

Some kind of aural microscope

Went out tonight to the coffeehouse. It was their Woody Guthrie night. I played a couple songs, "Oklahoma Hills" and "Do Re Mi". What a great fuckin' writer, man.

How did it feel to perform? I've noticed that you haven't been doing much performing lately, farmboy.

I haven't been doing any performing lately, man. Just practicing for the CD.

It feel really good to pay with a flat pick. I do so much finger picking that I forget how much more sound you can get with a flat pick.

Performing went okay. Which is a great thing, because I've just been suffering from a lack of musical confidence lately.

Why do you think that is?

Because I've been recording and I have to hear myself. And it's like my voice, I put it under some kind of aural microscope or something. I hear every fuckin' thing and I criticize myself like you wouldn't believe. So I'm convinced that I sound like shit and it's completely hopeless. Pisses me off.

You know that most musicians go through this...

Yeah, I know. And I know it will pass. It's just hard, you know? But I know it's just temporary.

I'm glad that you know that, farmboy.

If you make a mistake over and over,, eventually you learn something. I hope.

RIP Earl Scruggs

Sad news, man. Earl Scruggs died.

A moment of silence, farmboy?

(farmboy and the interviewer bow their heads and stay silent for a couple of minutes)

Are you going to play your banjo now, farmboy?

Not right now. I will, though. And when I do, I'm gonna play "Will the Circle be Unbroken" in his memory.

Talking because I can

It's finally happened, man. I'm speechless. I've run out of things to say. Words, they don't come to my beck and call the way they used to. It used to be so fuckin' easy, you know? Well, no more, no sir-ee-bob, I tell you.

What are you talking about, farmboy?

Nothin', man, I'm just blabbering away, just talking because I can.

Did you go to the studio today? How did the recording go?

Oh. That.

It was instructional. My nerves, my hands, my fuckin' insecurities, man, they just all came out to fuckin' play. I couldn't perform worth a shit and I've decided to go the way of click tracks and overdubbing my vocals and doing it the "correct" way. Oh well. I tried, man. And I'll try again in the future. But I needed to make a decision about now and that was the best decision I could make. 'Cause it's all about the songs. Everything must be in service to the songs.

Right.

(sighs) So I'm glad I learned about what is right for right now and what I need to do. Which is practice guitar parts, practice them with a metronome. So I can record the guitar parts separately, you know?

When do you start, farmboy?

Tomorrow.

You're a hard worker, farmboy. You'll do great.

Thanks, man. I appreciate that. I need that kind of confirmation.

Yeah, I'm gonna start the guitar stuff -- the drill, if you will -- tomorrow. And I will do fine because it's the one area of my life where I'm good at discipline, you know?

You're good at putting in the work. And that's the main ingredient.

In the recipe that is my life?

(laughs) Well, yes. Exactly.

I can't say I disagree, man.

In my own peculiar way

So I've been on spring break for, like, three days now. It's been good. I've been lazy. Smoked up all my hash. I love it but it's a good thing I don't have it very often.

Tomorrow I go into the studio to try to get some good, relaxed performances that I can later have people play on.

Overdubbing?

Yeah. It's all this process and if all goes well, this will be the final stuff I'm recording, as far as my performances go. Which is kinda weird, especially since there's so much more to do.

I go see my nephew tomorrow after the recoding is finished. Then I go back to the studio on Thursday and finish up my part of the recording.

Are you enjoying it, farmboy?

I'm not sure enjoy is the right word. Seems to me a lot of things you believe in are like that, don't you think? It's more like it's the right work to do, you know? Hopefully it will be satisfying. But fun? I'm not really fuckin' sure, if you want to know the truth. Man, sometimes I'm just amazed by just how much of my life has to do with instinct. It's like I'm just sorta fumbling out there, like a fuckin' insect or something.

But, you know, I'm doing it, I'm out there. I'm participating in real life in my own peculiar way, man.

It takes courage, farmboy.

There's no reason why I can't do this, man. The only thing standing in my way is me. And I won't stand in my own way for this CD, I won't.

So wish me luck, man. I'm going in.

A little cayenne pepper

Man, I fuckin' tell you, tonight I have just hit the extreme of that self-critical thing that I'm into. Damn, man, it's like it's some kind of obsessive thinking or something. I get off one subject and onto another one but each one is about how I need to panic because I'm such a fuck-up.

Why, farmboy? I mean, this is the first night of spring break; I'd think you'd be celebrating.

Which I am. Hashish and Chinese food.

Where did you get the hashish?

From a friend of mine. It's pretty great stuff. I'm taking it kinda sparingly, though.

Good.

So I'm thinking "This too shall pass" about the self-critical...

Self-loathing...

That, too. I'm thinking it'll pass.

Hey, I had an amazing rehearsal today. I had smoked a little hash and it just enhanced the experience in an extremely nice way.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. What if you hadn't been stoned?

It still would have been good. The hash was just like, you know, a spice. A little cayenne pepper. It wasn't the whole point, you know. The music was.

I think maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe I'm smoking too much. Fuck.

Try to have a good night, farmboy.

Oh, I will. I really will, man. It is the first night of spring break, you know.

No fuckin' work for a week!

Tomorrow, man, that's the day. Spring break begins!

You'll be recording. Right, farmboy?

Yep. I'm gonna try to get all my basic track done. My nephew's coming onto town, and I hope to see some friends and do some music stuff. No fuckin' work for a week!

That's going to be great, farmboy. Sounds like you'll be busy but still have time for yourself.

I hope so, man. Time to relax, you know? To sleep late if I want, or take a nap, or whatever.

Have fun tomorrow, farmboy.

I'll certainly try.