These are interesting times

I've had a good couple of days, man. I spent the last couple nights out at the coffeehouse. I performed both nights. Last night was an in-the-round with two other songwriters, two good songwriters. I got to see friends and I've felt less isolated than usual because of it.

Good for you, farmboy, on two different counts: getting out to see friends and performing. How did the show go last night?

Pretty good. No major flub-ups, you know? I just wish I get get myself more under control or something. I find performing just fuckin' nerve-wracking. All my insecurities come out. (laughs) Just like recording.

These are challenging times for you, farmboy?

These are interesting times, and not necessarily in a bad way. It's just a time where there has to be a little emotional, um...unravelling. So you can put it back together the way you want. In recording I have a lot of self-criticism...

I think you have plenty of self-criticism in your own life already, farmboy.

Yeah, I do. It's just that some of this musical self-criticism is necessary. I just need to remember that it's just a stop on the way, not the whole journey.

I could get fuckin' philosophical here, but I won't. Spring break is almost over and I don't have the time to do that. I just want to sit around and watch Trailer Park Boys and get stoned.

You just want to relax.

Yeah. I just want to take it easy, man.

You got it. Have yourself a good night.

I will. You too, man.

Spinning my fuckin' wheels

So here I am, it's Saturday night and I've got reefer and takeout Chinese food. I just finished watching season three of Trailer Park Boys and life is good as long as I don't think about all the things that worry me.

Like what, farmboy?

I'm not thinking about that stuff. I'm thinking about music and laughing at the TV show...

Trailer Park Boys?

Yeah, man, it's so fuckin' funny. I love that show.

So today I played guitar and didn't do hardly anything that I meant to do. Either I'm a total fuckin' loser or I'm just a regular guy who needs a Saturday off after a week's worth of hard work. Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Come on, farmboy, give yourself a break. You think badly of yourself all the time. It's time to stop telling yourself how wrong you are about everything.

I know, man. But it's hard. I've always been this way, you know.

I can help you through this, farmboy. I want you to succeed.

I want to succeed, man. Or at least I want to want to succeed. I want to be a full-time musician this summer. I want to get in better shape physically. I want to quit spinning my fuckin' wheels, you know?

And you will. But you're going to have to treat it like you do your rehearsing. You're going to have to work at it every day.

And how do you propose I do that?

Positive actions, farmboy. And positive thoughts.

I already do that sometimes.

That's how I know you can do it. That's why I have faith that you'll succeed.

Really, man?

Yes. I also know that you're a hard worker when you want to be.

It's that wanting-to-be part that's hard.

Nothing you can't handle, farmboy.

You're right. It's like that Alcoholics Anonymous thing, one day at a time.

I like that you reference both AA and Trailer Park Boys.

All in a day's work, man.