the observer, possible bridge

sometimes,
as a child,
I'd lift my head
out of my book
and stare out the window
to see 
how real children looked

anxiety song

I remember every single mistake
I've ever made in my life
and I wake up thinking of them 
in the middle of the night

words together

you put the words together
one by one
they feel so fine
when they're rolling off your tongue 
but tomorrow you'll know
the damage that they've done
and you won't forget them
you know life is so damn sloppy
it's neither white or black
it's somewhere in the middle
and you're about to jump the track
you put the words together
and now you can't take them back
now you just regret them

prove myself to you

I was a natural-born fool
the exception that proves the rule
a liar and a cheat
lost on easy street
without a clue
until you walked my way
and changed my lonely night to day
this time it's true
what can I do?
make me prove myself to you

I was a winner
in a loser's game
I was a beginner
half a heart
and no sign of a brain
a man of no means
holes in my jeans
where the money goes through
until I saw your face
now I'm no longer running in place
this time it's true
I'm starting anew
make me prove myself to you

          darlin', 
          I'll never leave you
          I'll never deceive you
          you've got my life in your hands
          I'm through with pretending
          that there's a no happy ending
          I'll do all I can
          to be your man

I kept myself down  
in so many ways
one look at you
and I'm alive and amazed
this time it's true
it's been long overdue
make me prove myself to you
make me prove myself to you

This is my vacation

Well, you know, I only have a few days left of Spring Break. But it's still, like, a long weekend. So I'm trying to relax and enjoy it.

What have you been doing, farmboy?

A whole lot of fuckin' nothing, man. I did prepare all the stuff for my tax guy. I've worked on music. I know I should have done more, but, fuck, man, this is my vacation and I really need to remember that. I give myself too hard of a time every time I have more than three days off.

From where I stand, farmboy, you're always giving yourself a hard time.

I know. I don't know exactly what to do about it, but I'm thinking about it, you know? It's hard. But hopefully someday I'll get there. I better.

What if you don't?

Oh, I will. Trust me.

I can't afford to have any doubt, man. I can't even go there. All this stuff that I've been trying to  accomplish all my life -- you know, confidence, health, music -- there's no finish line other than death, I suppose. And I have to keep going for it in whatever way I can.

And what, exactly, is "it," farmboy?

I'm not sure I know, man. But it's there. And, fuck, man, so am I.

false alarm

sitting on a public toilet
with a needle in my arm
no need to call the doctor, mama
I'm just a false alarm
ain't it a goddamn shame
ain't it a fuckin' drag
when the best that you can hope for
is a clean warm body bag 

I never thought I come to 
an ending such as this
my sneakers wet and smelling hard
of other people's piss
ain't nothing I can do, mama
ain't nothing I can say
it all stinks of this rotting life
that I have pissed away

the observer 2

I was trying hard to be
someone other than me
and somehow I became
the observer
if you're looking for a liar
I'm in the main line of fire
you don't have to search
any further
I want to be like you
I want to be like you