old friends like me

all my old friends are way too busy
to pay attention to old friends like me
there are matters of utmost importance
and everything's always an emergency
so I sit in my apartment
and pretend that it's all okay
who needs the burden
of friendship anyway
there's a world of adventure
and plenty of world to see
and there's no need for you
to have old friends like me

maybe I'll see you around
if I ever see you at all
but chances are you're just too busy
to look at my emails or return my calls
god damn my self pity
god damn this whole fucking mess
god damn this whole city
god damn loneliness
still in the back of my mind
there's still a possibility
but that's just plain stupid
there's no need for old friends like me

forevermore

it's different now
you work on the west side of the river
in a big shiny building
that always looks brand new
I know you're busy
it's so cold that I could shiver
when I think about 
how the world has changed
from the world we once knew
still, it would be good to stay friends
maybe go out for coffee
like we used to before
please don't tell me
those days are gone
forevermore

so much to do
business is, as they say, really booming
it's supply and demand
and you do what you must do
I'd like to tell you
that my life also is improving
but I'd be lying through my teeth
but I don't want to say what's true
still, it would be good to stay friends
maybe grab a beer
at that brewery next door
please don't tell me
those days are gone 
forevermore

send me a text
let me know you're still living
yeah, the world is crazy
I don't believe what we've become
tell all I send my best
have fun there in the city
I guess we all get lonely
but we can't tell anyone
still, it would be good to stay friends
we could meet for a bite
at that place by the store
please don't tell me
those days are gone
forevermore

learning how to breathe

I am learning how to breathe
I thought it was automatic
I am learning how to breathe
to rid my head of static
I am paying attention
to every in and out
did I ever mention
I'm not sure what this is about

I am trying to relax
I always thought it was sinful
my size of relaxing
is a big as a thimble
I am making connections
I am trying to destress
just what I am accomplishing
is anybody's guess

(why do you
have to accomplish anything?)

I am growing in some way
although I can't define it
but it's a big field for learning
I might as well mine it
at much as it kills me
I need to start to believe
that life is worth living
I am learning how to breathe

cruel

none of this is fair
all of this is cruel
real life won't follow
the simple set of rules
that I hold in my heart
that I hold up as true
none of this is fair
all of this is cruel

no lessons learned

I have no answers
I have not a lesson learned
I walk through life
no refunds
no returns
I'm lost but still
I climb these hills
in cars with no reverse
maybe I'll see you there
save me a place
if you get there first

I have my reasons
but I have no lessons learned
I walk through life
expecting to get burned
I'm lost, but, hey
it's all okay
I've seen it all before
I'm broken now
I'm damaged goods
in the five-and-ten-cent store

all I am is hurt

there are no reasons
no lessons learned
no way to escape
no way to return
no masterpieces written
nothing ever worked
I am still unchanged
all I am is hurt

I've heard there's a purpose
for all that you go through
I hate to interfere
but I'm the exception to the rule
my brain won't retain anything
it just remains inert
I'm as fucked up as ever
and all I am is hurt

so lock me in my apartment
throw away the key
and get those hopeful feelings
the hell away from me
lay me in the hard cold ground
cover me with dirt
let me find some peace of mind
all I am is hurt

my pharmaceutical past

doctor
to save precious time
I've brought in the list
of everything that's made me 
who I am
doctor
I think the trouble is I'm
pretty much pissed
when I look at the problems at hand

          when I tell you my history
          you'll question "how did you last"?
          it's sad but true  
          but I owe it to
          my pharmaceutical past