Buck you, fuddy

Man, I fuckin' tell you, I'm just good-fer-nuthin' today. I've, like, accomplished hardly any of the stuff I'm supposed to do.

Such as?

Well, the big three, you know. Exercising, writing, and playing. I've played one song on guitar, and that's the way it's kinda been for the last few days. I mean, it's been more than one song a day, but still...

Writing? 

I've been writing, doing the daily writing. That's been very little trouble. It's just today that I haven't written much.

Oh no, farmboy! One entire day with no writing!

You're being a fuckin' smart-ass, aren't you?

Of course.

You're good at it, man.

Well, I learned from the best. (The interviewer looks at farmboy)

Yeah, well, buck you, fuddy.

What I was saying, before I was so fuckin' rudely interrupted, was how little I've done today.

Did you exercise, farmboy? It seems like it might be too hot for that today.

Yeah, it is too hot. So no exercise. But I don't feel too bad about it, 'cause it's so hot.

I've spent today on the computer. I've found some great, lengthy, in-depth interviews with Joni Mitchell and Louis C.K. that were super educational. 

That sounds like quite a pair, Joni and Louis.

Hey, don't go around saying shit about Louis C.K. He's Mexican, you know. He has dual citizenship.

I bet Joni Mitchell has that, too.

I'm sure she does. But she never returns my calls.

Funny guy, you are.

They really were great interviews, though. I learned a whole lot.

I've been doing some cleaning today. My apartment's a fuckin' mess. So that's been good. I did a little bit of cooking, too.

So your day wasn't a complete waste of time.

Well, man...I guess it wasn't, no.

what are you going to do with the rest of your day?

I'm gonna play some guitar. Starting right now.

But wait! There's more!

Man. Let me tell you, this living thing is pretty fuckin' strange sometimes. I have the next four days off, I just spent the evening at the coffeehouse where I played and listened and saw friends. In spite of all that, I'm sad and downhearted, and I...well, I need not to fuckin' think so fuckin' much.

You know, it's the money thing and I'm gonna have to start selling things if there's not some kind of change soon. And it's me who's gotta make whatever change it is, but, fuck, I'd be grateful if the world would quit wanting more and more from me, financially.

But wait! There's more! So tonight at the coffeehouse is Joni Mitchell tribute night. And, um, I've having problems writing and now I'm comparing myself to Joni Mitchell. Joni Mitchell is a fuckin' genius, she's a true innovator, you know, man?

I think I know where this is going, farmboy.

Yeah, I know, I'm predictable. And there's one thing I know: You get nowhere comparing yourself with other people. Which, of course, is something I do constantly.

Anyway, really, what I probably need is a good night's sleep and faith that things happen for the better. Like the presidential election.

farmboy, you know everything is going to work out, don't you?

Yeah. But I don't know how.

That's the exciting part.

That's what I've been placing my bets on, man.

This is not a show

Man, I tell you, I'm tired. I just woke up from a short nap and I'm all full of aches and pains lately, but at least the fuckin' bronchitis is on its last legs.

That's a good thing.

Yeah, I'm thankful. But, man, I feel bad for you 'cause I've been so boring for awhile, and you're the one who ends up listening to all my stuff. I'm sure I'm a lot more entertaining when I'm desperate.

Not necessarily, but that's not important. It's not my entertainment that matters. What matters is that you are yourself. That's what really counts.

Well, "myself" is not that interesting.

What did I just say. Are you listening?

(surprised) Are...are you mad at me? I'm sorry...

Farmboy, listen, I'm not angry. I just want you to know that you don't need to worry about what I think.

You gotta understand. I'm a performer. I have to worry.

No you don't. This is not a show. This is real life. If you're not going through some kind of major emotional upheaval, that might be kind of a good thing.

Real life...

It's a good thing. Try it. You always perform in your life as if you're going to be judged, and that's no good. It's also not accurate or true. Or important. Not as important as just living.

Okay, I'll try this. I'm not a natural at it, though.

Just try to not try so much.

Look, you're a songwriter. You think in terms of lyrics. Here's one for you:

You criticize and you flatter

You imitate the best

And the rest you memorize

You know the times you impress me most

Are the times when you don't try

That's pretty good.

Joni Mitchell. "Woman of Heart and Mind."

Cool. She's good.

What I'm saying, though, is just live and be yourself, farmboy.

That's never worked for me.

Bullshit.

Bullshit?

You don't ever really do that, except for music, perhaps.

But I'm performing there...

I guess I was thinking more about the writing. But I'll concede. You do have a point. I guess I just want you to relax and give yourself a break.

Okay. (breathes deeply) This stuff is hard for me.

You're learning all the time, farmboy. Getting better and learning more and more.

You are my witness.

Well, it's true. You're a smart one, farmboy.

I'm glad it's you who is my witness.

I'm glad it's me, too.

I'm all confused right now.

Just relax. You're doing great.

Okay, I'm just being me. Now what?

Congratulations.

The way I use imagination

Man, I tell you...

Tell me.

(Sings) I'll tell you/ a thing or two/ but that's not all/I'm gonna do/And you won't have a clue/Just a thiiing oooorrr twooooo. (laughs)

Always with the rhymes.

It's in the blood. It's in the heart. It's in the soul.

Yeah, yeah. How're you doing, farmboy?

I'm okay. Tomorrow's Friday. Tomorrow's payday. Oh, man, the groceries I'm gonna buy! I can't wait!

So April was better than March?

Oh, yeah, thanks to money from music.

Good for you. Congratulations!

Thank you.

Your plan for May?

Uhhhhh...do the stuff I didn't do in April. Work on the church gigs, try to get another grant, keep writing, keep playing...

Keep that imagination going.

That is 100% fuckin' right, man. Fuck, I got the greatest fuckin' imagination around. Not like in a science-fiction sense, but in a human sense.

Hence the songwriting.

I love the word "hence." Almost as much as "sans."

Your imagination has kept you going.

Yeah. The only problem with...with the way I use imagination is that I use it to the point of isolating myself from other human beings.

Interesting. I like the way you said that.

Use those I-messages, man, some people love it.

And you?

In this case, it's accurate. And I go with accurate.

You're such a writer.

I strive to be as accurate as I possibly can when I write.

Are you writing lately?

Yeah. And I kind of have to isolate to write, in a way.

I can understand that.

I read an interview with Joni Mitchell once from a long time ago and she said she had to be isolated to write.

Well, there you go.

There you go.

Go use your imagination wisely, farmboy.

I'll try.

Stupid little feelings

Hey, what's up?

I need to talk. You busy?

I've got plenty of time. What's going on?

I've had all this bad luck come back and I'm trying not to be nervous about this performance I'm giving tomorrow. There's some personal stuff that's been kinda happening with people who I know will be there. Sorry to be so vague, but these people are friends of mine and...

I thought you had no friends.

Oh. man, these folks accepted me right off for the most part. And it felt so fuckin' good to have friends. I mean, so good. I felt like the most blessed person in the world...

And?

So there was this show and basically everybody in our core group was asked to sing a song except me. And I guess I got my stupid little feelings hurt.

Do they know about that?

No, I haven't said anything to anyone. I'm so fuckin' sensitive, man, pisses me off. Fuck. I mean, they don't have to ask me to play every time, you know? Not everybody can play every time. But I have to go and get all fuckin' hurt about it.

So I'm apprehensive about seeing everybody.

And performing?

Nothing more than the usual anxiety I have with performing. That's, like, the easiest part.

So go and focus on the performance and try to enjoy whatever friendship is there.

Oh yeah, I know, that's what I'm going to do. I mean, I don't want to hold a grudge. I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt me and they probably weren't even aware that it might hurt me.

I fuckin' hate gettin' hurt.

Put on a little emotional armor before you go. You'll get through it fine.

Oh, I know.

I guess I just needed to talk about it. I've been holding things in for over two months now...

You must be exhausted.

I am, man. I need to fuckin' chill out. It's like that Joni Mitchell song where she wants to have a river she can skate away on. Plus I got money problems, like 40 bucks to live on till the end of the month. And it's only the thirteenth.

Good thing it's February.

No shit. I need all the help time will give me.

Listen, I'd like to talk about all this after the performance. If that's okay with you, that is.

Sure. Um, let's see how it goes. (pauses) Hey, thanks for letting me blow off some steam, man.

No problem, farmboy. That's what I'm here for.

Thanks.