summer let go of me

I believed I was free

but I was wrong

I was busy singing

some old happy song

I argued but

she wouldn't agree

and summer let go of me

and I fell

into autumn's open arms

seduced by summer's

sweet come-hither charms

green leaves fade to brown

and fall down from the tree

summer let go of me

she's a wild wind

that never will be still

racing on by her own free will

this world keeps spinning

hard and fast

you never know

which breath will be your last

that old bastard winter

is waiting patiently

summer let go of me

summer let go of me

I unconsciously made this commitment

So, man, this Kickstarter thing is great. I mean, fuck, man, it's just this emotional burst, you know?

Explain it to me, farmboy.

Well, a lot of it just comes down to action, I think. Because I've gotta be responsible with this stuff, which I knew from day one. So inside myself I unconsciously made this commitment. And I'm fuckin' great if I've got a commitment like that.

The other thing is that people are fuckin' giving me money to make a record. These people fuckin' believe in me, man. Fuck.

These are all wonderful things. And you've worked for them. You put in the effort. There wasn't anybody holding a gun to your head.

I know, eh?

Eh? What are you, Canadian?

I would love to be Canadian. But that's another story for another time.

But, yeah, you're right. And it makes me feel good. I have to be successful at my end of this Kickstarter stuff. And that means writing the thank-you emails. That means communicating with people. That means getting the word out. That means...

Working on a new recording?

Yeah, man. Working on a new recording.

There is joy here, and I'm noticing it

It's up. The big 2011 farmboy Kickstarter project has begun!

Wow! Good for you, farmboy! How do you feel?

I feel okay. I got a good amount of pledges and I feel -- even more than the financial stuff -- really, uh, touched by the support. This could be really good in ways other than financial.

Now let's talk about something else.

What's the matter, farmboy? Getting a little uncomfortable, are you?

Well, yeah. You know I'm not good with positive shit. Especially when it involves those human-being types.

Yes, I've noticed.

What I need to do is process this stuff in my own way. But trust me, man, I don't fuckin' take it for granted. There is joy here, and I'm noticing it.

Good.

So what should we talk about?

What are you into these days? I mean music, film, books...

I tell you, man, I am deeply involved in that fuckin' Breaking Bad TV show.

Pretty good, huh?

Oh man, I'm, like, looking it up online and shit.

(farmboy stops talking)

farmboy, what's wrong?

Oh, it just crossed my mind. You know, here I've started this exciting project that's going to lead to an even more exciting project, and here I am talking about a fuckin' TV show.

(The interviewer is silent for a few seconds, then looks at farmboy)

Well...it is a good show...

Yeah! So, like, last night, look have you seen it? I don't want to spoil it for you...Man, so, like, Walt and Jesse, they got in this fight...

Very, very thankful

Fuckin' hot day, man. Upper 90's maybe?

You lived in central Texas for, what, 11 years?

I had A/C in Austin. Everything had A fuckin' C in Austin. I love Austin. I'm glad I live by family and I'm really glad I know my niece, but, fuck, man, I miss Austin.

There's terrible fires going on in Texas. In Bastrop County they've lost 1200 homes. And that was yesterday's news.

Speaking of, like, horrible unthinkable tragedies, tomorrow...

September 11. Ten year anniversary.

Man, I see all this attention and...you know, attention has to be paid towards it. I know there's probably a good amount of crass commercialism, but this is an important anniversary. I mean, we're still fuckin' here, and by "we" I mean everybody in this sad old world.

It's, like, the one thing I don't want to hear jokes about or people comparing it to other tragedies. I mean, that's something I could have never imagined, you know?

That's true, farmboy. It was horrible. Unspeakably horrible.

What are you going to do tomorrow?

I may go see my brother and his family. It would be good to get out of the house.

You know, I'm still majorly depressed and anxious, but I'm thinking I may be a little bit more social. I went to the coffeehouse tonight, I've actually been in contact with people on facebook. Kickstarter is all set up and ready to go, but I don't want to kick it off until after September 11th. So there are some good things happening, little by little. My apartment's getting cleaner, slowly but surely.

But the depression's still there?

Yeah. And I'm gonna be anxious until the fuckin' powers that be in the school district finally assign me and I get kinda comfortable there. And now the money problems are coming back because I'll be a substitute...and that's something I don't even want to think about.

So don't think about it, farmboy.

Believe me, I won't. 'Cause I've got Kickstarter and I've got new songs and I am very, very thankful for anything that is positive that has to do with music.

And tomorrow's only going to be 90 degrees.

On the cutting room floor

all I want is a peaceful life

with space to stretch and room to breathe

where fresh fruit and vegetables

are not forbidden luxuries

where I can watch my children play

without the fear that one will stray

a good home for my kids and wife

all I want is a peaceful life

all I need is a bench to sit

a front porch to watch the setting sun

a glass of wine and a hand to hold

when the hard work of the day is done

where we can watch the girls and boys

make their fair share of joyful noise

no sound of guns

no siren cries

all I need is a peaceful life

all I want is somewhere to be safe

all I need is a little faith

all I want is hope for a better day

each night I lie in bed and pray

all I want is a peaceful life

to rest these weary bones at night

to forget about the rent and bills

or groceries when money's tight

a job to go most every day

where I can make a decent wage

where hope is not an empty lie

all I want is a peaceful life

I know it's here

just out of sight

So here's the latest rewrite on "A Peaceful Life."

I see. You chopped quite a bit out of it. Not that that's a bad thing.

No, it's not. I sort of combined two verses into one. I may take out that second bridge. We'll see. The song may have more changes to come. We'll see about that too.

Is it painful to cut, farmboy?

(laughs) I feel like we're in the cutting room, making a movie. And you know all sorts of stuff ends up on the cutting room floor. Editing, man, that's important.

There was only one line that I cut that hurt. But, man, it fuckin' killed me, you know?

And the line was...?

No sounds of guns, no siren cries

Oh, yes. I liked that line.

Yeah, me too. Plus, it's a line that I rewrote. It's slightly different than the one I showed you before.

It fuckin' killed me, man. But I wanted the "empty lie" line. I like the "guns" line because it's visual and it gives you an idea of where this man and his family live. But "Where hope is not an empty lie," well, that's an emotional line.

But, who knows? The "gun" line may go back in at some point. We'll see, man.

I took a pill

How was the meeting, farmboy?

S'okay. We'll see, but I don't mean that cynically.

Here's what I've been telling some people via facebook, man. It's basically all I want to say about this fuckin' subject that I'd rather not give the time of day to.

Are you okay?

Oh, pretty much. I was anxious earlier. I took a pill. Now I'm calm, but still normal, you know? I'm not bouncing off the walls with high panic. Right now I'm more concerned with the fact that I ended a sentence with a proposition.

What sentence was that?

"It's basically all I want to say about this fuckin' subject that I'd rather not give the time of day to."

That sounds just fine to me, farmboy. We're talking speech here, not the written word.

I know. I'm just trying to be funny. You know, humor?

Har har.

So, this is what I wrote. By the way, "HR" means Human Resources. I'll catch you later, man.

Well, here's the latest. I met with [this guy] who handles disability issues for HR, and I will not be placed at the behavior school due to anxiety issues. They -- HR -- are going to try to find me a placement. This whole experience has been much more complicated than it should have been (for example, HR could have got back to me in June when I called and emailed them). But enough complaining...

Medical condition

Man, I am so fuckin' nervous. There's this meeting I have to go to at work tomorrow and my union rep's gonna be there and, fuck, I'm scared and I'm not sure why.

Don't be. You'll be fine, farmboy. I've seen this kind of thing before. It's just something that they have to have. They do this with everybody who has a medical condition.

Is anxiety a medical condition?

Are you taking medication for it?

Uh, yeah.

Can you really look at the past three months or so and tell me it's not a medical condition, farmboy?

Okay. You've made your point.

So go in there with confidence. You've done all you could. You'll be fine. Really.

I've already taken a clonazepam today.

Good. Go to bed, put on a podcast. Wake up, work on Kickstarter, work on music...

I've been working on cleaning my apartment. I could continue that.

Do some work on Kickstarter first, though.

Okay.

Take advantage of this time.

Good idea. I'll do that.

Will I really be okay?

Yes, farmboy. Yes, you will.

Thanks, man.