The whole tiredness thing

So I don't have a whole lot to talk about. With the new job placement I'm tired all the fuckin' time. Physically tired. I mean, I come home and I'm sore and fuckin' exhausted, man. So I'm up for a little bit, then I end up sleeping for a couple three hours or so then I'm up. I don't play guitar as much as I'd like -- I mean, I play guitar and I enjoy it, but it's the whole tiredness thing again.

You've got a three-day weekend coming up, right, farmboy?

Yeah, and an inservice Thursday so tomorrow's the last day with students for the week. Veteran's Day.

Listen, man, would it be okay if we talk tomorrow instead?

Of course. Go get some rest, farmboy.

Thanks. Good night, man.

In the name of self-discovery

farmboy, that last piece you wrote...that intrigues me. Where will you be going with it?

I honestly don't know, man. I'm really pleased that you like it, though.

I think I will follow through on writing it, you know, see it to completion. Just in the name of self-discovery, you know? I guess all writing should be like that, in a way. I don't know, man. I'm fuckin' stoned.

(laughs) I knew it! You always think self-discovery when you're stoned. Or at least that's what I hear. Just add a little silliness...

(laughs) You talk as if that's a bad thing.

I don't mean it that way, farmboy. Let me ask you: Is one of the reasons you smoke marijuana its ability to help you dream and take yourself seriously?

Yeah. There's all sorts of reasons and many of them are downright positive, believe it or not.

I believe it.

Marijuana is worth it just for the musical benefits, I think. There's a reason all those jazz musicians back in the day smoked it. Louis Armstrong smoked weed, you know?

And speaking of Louis Armstrong, I realized the other day that I can recognize him by his playing, his instrumental ability. That makes me happy.

It should. Louis Armstrong is quite a reason to be happy.

You got that right, man.

not autobiographical

This is not autobiographical. This is fiction.

I grew up in a childhood

I cannot forgive

looking out the window

to see how real children live

Myself, I don't want perfect

How are you, man? How's my favorite interviewer doing today?

I'm doing good. What's going on, farmboy?

It's the weekend and I am so fuckin' grateful. It's been a long week, and I kinda hate talkin' about my fuckin' day job.

What do you like talking about?

You know, music. Specifically my upcoming CD.

Oh yeah, that. (both laugh) How is that going?

Solo demos first, man. Make my own little solo thing so I can compare stuff...well, not compare exactly, but...just seeing where I stand. Also for sequence, overall sound, things that will pop up.

So I gotta be rehearsing the songs so that when I record the demos I can just play 'em, you know? Because I know the songs so well. And that only comes from practice.

It's the old cliche: Practice makes perfect.

It's like a headline. Myself, I don't want perfect. I want human. And honest. But with vocals that are on pitch and good rhythm and well-written lyrics and melodies. Plus harmonies and jangling guitars.

The Byrds?

Yeah. And R.E.M.

falling, falling

he had the burden of a high potential

everyone expected excellence

he never cared about the differential

he only ever used his common sense

so there you are

prince of the high school

king of the frat boys

owner of life

ain't that your new car?

ain't that your big house

your prized possessions

your kids

your wife

don't look now

don't look down

don't take a good look around

'cause you are falling, falling

and there ain't no getting back up

it's human nature to want more, more, more

up, up, up

higher and higher

no matter how much money you have in store

is never as much as you require

so there you are

it was so much easier

when you were young

when you still held wonder

at the latest drug

and the latest girl's tongue

don't look now

don't look down

don't take a good look around

'cause you are falling, falling

and there ain't no getting back up

Interesting first draft, farmboy. But don't you think "There ain't no getting back up" is kind of, well, rash?

And judgemental and cruel; don't forget those. Ah, man, cut me some slack. It's a fuckin' first draft, you know? I'm just going for raw writing here, something I can work with.

So what I'm saying is: We'll see.

at the same damn time

I am self-conscious

and I don't know what to write

I know way too much

about myself and

not enough about myself

at the same damn time

this does not make sense

I cry, but no one's listening

to a word I say

so I might as well

write anything I want to

no one can hear me

and the only one

I need to please is myself

so pen to paper...

Nervous about everything

I am so fuckin' tired, man, and there's all this stuff I have to do all the time. Fuck this working for a living, man -- ain't enough time for the music, you know?

I know you're frustrated, farmboy.

Yeah. Anyway, there's gotta be something happening worth talking about. At least on my end. You've probably got something good, huh?

Nope. Just everyday life, which is pretty good.

Yeah, I agree. Everyday life, when it's going well, it's, like, a really underrated thing. When you're not in the midst of worrying about something. That's something I'm an expert in...

I know.

It just sucks when you have to be fuckin' nervous about everything. When you have to worry about something being imperfect. When you're always on the defensive. This is how I've always lived my life, and I'm fuckin' sick of it.

And you've been working on it, farmboy.

Yeah, that's true. That's a good note to end on.

What do you mean?

I mean I'm really tired and I'm gonna rest and go to bed. More tomorrow.

Good night, man.