wasted life

you have lived a wasted life
all you have done is spread your hate
now you have been discovered
now all you can do is await your fate

no words

there are no words
for the way I am feeling 
only images
of something broken 
can we have silence
there is no time
for outdated lies
that have been spoken
for hundreds of years
you witnessed the truth
and turned it into lies
like you always do
I keep my eyes open
I stand my ground
in my way, I am
attacking you

I remember you

I remember you
I will always feel your kindness
coming through
the memories comfort me
the moments that my heart could see
the tenderness that you and me once knew
I remember you

I remember love
I've always felt that 
there was not enough
but you changed my way of thinking
the hopeless mornings
the nights of solid drinking
the times we spent together, 
they just flew
I remember you

          I remember you
          with your melodies and the best of words
          I remember you
          our friendship grew with the words
          "do not disturb"

I remember all
even everything I thought
I couldn't recall
you meant so much to me
everything you are I see
that's what I always do
I remember you

I have to fuckin' force myself

Man oh man, I hate this. Every day is the same. I wake up, I get on the computer, I look at the news. There are some encouraging things, but you know the story. We're in fuckin' lockdown, I don't hardly get to go anywhere. On the plus side, I did go out and buy groceries yesterday. Now I have half & half for my coffee. It's the little things, you know?

You joke but it's true, farmboy. The little things are important. They all add up. You and your half & half and your practicing and your writing. It all adds up. I know you've been getting discouraged, but hang in there. It all adds up.

That's what I'm betting on. And this work I'm doing can't be for nothing, can it? I'm afraid to hear the answer. I've been working on being a songwriter for so long and look at me now. No audience, I hardly hear from musician friends, I'm not performing, and I've got all these new songs that nobody wants to hear...

Is that self pity I hear?

Maybe a little bit. But I feel so fuckin' isolated from the rest of the world, especially musically. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. I've been depressed, but I've also thought that it's pretty natural for these times we're in.

Have you talked to your therapist lately?

Today, briefly. We had an appointment scheduled but we had to reschedule it because of technical difficulties. It's fine. It's actually better, as far as my life goes. This way I get to think a little bit about what I need to talk about. Today I was just going in blind.

I think you better tell him about the depression, farmboy.

I will. I've lost my desire to do the things I do, like practice and meditation and writing. I still do them, but I have to fuckin' force myself.

That's no good.

No, it's not. I don't want to hate playing or writing or meditating and there are times when I don't feel like doing any of it. There are times -- actually, it's pretty constant. And I hate that, because music is my salvation. Music is the reason why I'm here. But nobody wants to hear it and that depresses me. I'm working in a fuckin' vacuum here.

But you're working, farmboy, and that counts for something.

Man, that's what I'm hoping. I can't have all this work be in vain. I just can't.

when the morning comes

when the morning comes
I will be ready to go
just wake me up
and I'll be there in a hurry
let me get my shoes on
I want you to know
I will give you no
reason to worry
it's just you and me
and the open road
and a notion to ignore
all that we're told
at the end of the rainbow
there won't babe any gold
but at least we went on a journey

on company time

(thanks to Reddit)

wake up in the morning
get out on the road
time to get to work
do just what you're told
don't matter much to me
I'm gonna help myself
I need to feel happy
I got a little help

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

I don't got no union
to help get me through
it's a good thing I don't
give a shit what I do
my job is so boring
I'm going berserk
hand me that hash pipe
I'm going to work

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

you can judge me
as much as you want
but I'm having a good time
working at this restaurant
when I inhale
I'm finally free
from the shackles and chains
this job puts on me

          boss makes a dollar
          I make a dime
          that's why I get high
          on company time

isolated

I am isolated
there is no one here but me
no one I can talk to
no other eyes to see
this is just like yesterday
and the day before
I can't take it anymore

I need to see somebody else
but that need is unknown
I spend all day in solitude
in a jail cell I call home
if this is what's called loneliness
I have it to the core
I can't take it anymore

          somebody help me
          come be by my side
          misery surrounds me
          and there's no place left to hide

I am isolated
I know no one but myself
you don't know what I would give
to see somebody else
I keep on moving onward
but I don't know what for
I can't take it anymore