I have to do the work

It's almost noon and I don't feel terrible yet. It's been raining, so I haven't walked yet, but I did meditate. So I've gotta write and I gotta practice and I gotta walk. Along with all that other stuff that everyone does. So I guess it hasn't been a bad day so far. But the day isn't over.

Why does the day have to turn out bad, farmboy?

Oh, it doesn't. I could just live in the present and it wouldn't be bad, you know? If it rained all day and there's nothing for me to do except stay home and play music and read and smoke weed. No harm in that, right?

I guess now, just as long as every day doesn't wind up like that. I've seen you on those kinds of days, and you don't do well, farmboy. You get isolated and lonely and that turns into depression, which turns into anger, and then you're at war with yourself. I've seen it happen again and again.

Whoa! I'm talking about one day and that's not gonna happen. It's not going to rain all day. There'll be time to go outside and walk and see nature. Maybe I'll even go down to the coffee shop and do some reading, but I don't know. I just started my second cup of coffee and I'm not sure I should be drinking more this afternoon.

It's weird, though. I can already feel the blues coming in 'cause I should walk and I should go to the grocery store to buy fruit and vegetables. I feel like such a lazy slob because I haven't walked yet. Not that I particularly like walking, but I do it, and I have to do it so I can lose weight and be in better shape and have a good quality of life.

That's a lot of stuff to place on a walk.

It's true, though. If I want to be the person I want to be, I need to do things like walking and eating fruits and vegetables. I need to go to the gym. I'm really working on getting my life better.

I've noticed, farmboy.

I'm so fuckin' tired of feeling bad about myself. I want to feel like my life has good things about it. So I have to do the work.

Even if I don't want to sometimes.