Survival in the big city

It's almost time for me to get on the bus and go see my therapist. I do this every week. He's a psychologist and he's very good. He's really come through for me at the times when I've needed him most. 

What are you going to talk about, farmboy?

Whatever's bothering me at the time, which is unfortunately the same stuff that bothers me every time: The fact that nothing ever fuckin' changes no matter how much work and effort I put into it. It's gotten so bad that now I'm completely bored with myself. I just want something to change, and preferably for the better. I've had enough lousy changes to last a fuckin' lifetime.

So you still haven't really answered my question. What are you going to talk about?

The job search, I suppose. About how fuckin' scary it is for me to go out there anymore. I mean, I'm sure that will change and my life will be somewhat better after I become employed. But the whole process kinda freaks me out. Can't I just be a musician and songwriter like I'm supposed to be? I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be something I'm not, trying to fit in places that I really don't belong in.

Unfortunately, for the majority of people in the world, that's not how life works.

Don't I know it. It's all about survival in the big city. It's all about how much and how can we exploit you so we can make the greatest amount of profit, but we're not going to share it with you. I could go on and on, but I won't. And you're welcome.

Well, I hope your appointment goes well, farmboy. I think that talking about the job search and your feeling about work is a good idea.

Even if I feel hopeless?

Especially if you're feeling hopeless.

That's good, because a lot of the time I feel hopeless. I wish I didn't. I guess that's a big part of the reason why I go.